Happy New Year!

It's that time again.  I have mixed feelings about this holiday.  I like to make lists to remind myself of things of which I should be aware and I get excited for a "fresh start" as much as the next person, but I don't understand why many people wait until the 365th (or 366th) day of the year to set goals and work on improving themselves.  Oh well.  On that note, I love new planners/calendars and am excited to open mine!

Resolutions:

• Manage my time better and procrastinate less - this includes not being late anymore.
• Be gentler with myself.  I get really angry with myself sometimes, and more often than not, there's no call for me to beat myself up about anything or the issue is something small.
• Be present.  
• Keep in touch with people I care about - reach out more in general.  Snail mail is one of my favorite things, but I have to send it to receive it.  It would also help to find more people who are as fascinated with snail mail as I am.  Remember pen pals?  There's a certain appeal to communicating with a stranger.  I think I might look into getting one: http://www.friendship-by-mail.com/
• Spend less of my free time on the computer.  It's brainwashing, induces depression, and I firmly believe that dependence on technology has has become, if not a substitution, a crutch for human interaction and authentic experiences. 
• I want to take more pictures (with my new camera!).

Joint Resolutions (with Dante):

• Start to plan meals for the week and shop accordingly. 
• Cook more.  When we feel tired after work/school, we veg and end up eating something that is unbalanced, or just straight-up junk.
• Go for a walk outside every day (thanks Ada).  Encourage each other to exercise more.
• Go DO things.

Now for my Inverse Resolutions:

• I WON'T lose my sense of wonder.  I love to love, and will do whatever I can to shield myself from the world-weariness that is all too abundant in our society. 
• I WON'T retreat back into the shell I built for myself in college.  I can be pretty cool and fun, but I have to continue to shake off the anxiety I sometimes feel when entering social situations. 
• I WON'T stop standing up for myself if I am wronged.  Recently, I experienced for the first time at my job someone of consequence try to push me around and take advantage of me.  I didn't run away from the problem, but rather faced it and dealt with it maturely (thanks to lots of advice and encouragement).  The end result was that I not only ended up in better overall shape at work than I started, but more importantly, I grew and became more confident in my ability to take care of and handle myself.  Rawk.
• I WON'T let myself go, health-wise.  I'm going on 16 months without a major flare, and I plan to do whatever it takes to continue this streak indefinitely!

I just watched Shopgirl.  My expectations were not high, but I was really pleased with it and have been left feeling...thoughtful.  Steve Martin did well in an uncharacteristic role and Claire Danes is always a delight.  Another redeeming quality of the film: I enjoyed Jason Schwartzman's character.  Why is this remarkable, you ask?  In general, I'm not a fan of his as I don't like his roles and don't understand why he's always dirty and barefoot in films, but this was great. 

The dictionary.com word of the day is "ultimate."  Errnh?  I can't say that I feel enlightened, but I do believe that from time to time, it's very important to re-examine the things we use without a second thought in day-to-day interactions.  Words like "ultimate" "love" and "hate" are very powerful, but tend to get thrown around which invariably weakens and cheapens them.  Now that I think of it..."ultimate" is a fine word for the day.

I just realized I forgot to buy champagne.

Have a safe and happy New Year!

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

...Charles Dickens knows what's up.

Happy holidays to all, and I hope those of you who celebrated Christmas had an exceptional day!

.:EDIT:.

This is a really remarkable story about a girl who may have been saved by an angel as she lay dying in the hospital...just in time for Christmas.

Repeat the Sounding Joy

A Christmas candle is a lovely thing;
It makes no noise at all,
But softly gives itself away;
While quite unselfish, it grows small.
-Eva K. Logue

I'm sitting here drinking gluhwein with my sister (she claims to be grinchy but she's really a dearheart) and feeling very relaxed and peaceful, aside from not liking the fact that Dante is in Philly alone. Sometimes - rarely - my thoughts are bare-boned, like now. There's really not a whole lot on my mind, and certainly nothing complicated; I'm just comfortable.

Our tree is wonderful. Earlier, I stretched out on my back underneath it and looked up through the branches at the lights and the assortment of ornaments, and felt warm all over. I love home so much...I hung out with many of my closest high school friends the other night, and it's so refreshing to know that after months (in some cases, years!) of not being in touch, when we get together it's just as if we had never been apart. No hesitation, awkwardness or anything...we just fall back into sync.

I feel as though this year I didn't have time to prepare for or get into the spirit of Christmas. Thinking about this makes me a little bit sad because Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year and I start marinating in the spirit around Thanksgiving (or prior, if I can't resist). I guess I shouldn't feel sad, because Christmas is far from over (we're only a few hours in!) so there's plenty of time for me to settle into the joyful spirit, right?

There is much to be grateful for.

I think I'm going to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and go to Sleep. Unless Sleep insists I see to it first.

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?
-Dr. Seuss

Merry Christmas and goodnight!

I'll Be Home for Christmas

I got to Colorado a few hours ago and am relaxing with my birds, the cat, and dog, and watching this:



Mmmmm. Muppets are timeless. IMHO though, A Muppet Family Christmas from 1987 trumps all of the Christmas specials. Check out around the 9-11 minute time span or thereabouts. The Eagle and Bunsen/Beaker are such fun, underrated muppets.

So. About last night. Let me start by saying that I have a lot of hockey memories...some good, some bad, but last night definitely ranked among my top 3 hockey experiences. I love coaching so much and I can't imagine a better group of ladies. Maybe I'll recap when I'm less jittery and distracted by the Muppets.

I'm sitting here by the pellet stove, sipping tea and being so happy to be home (even though dog farts are noxious), but I miss Dante already...awww.

Ok this year's Muppet Christmas special is almost over, and I'm relieved to know that [SPOILER ALERT] Pepe the King Prawn believes in Santa: "I know what I said, hokay?! I was just acting macho, hokay? Deep down, I am a really sensitive prawn." Pepe rules, hokay?

Alright...I'm headed upstairs to schmooze with the folks and pets. Mah deer lufflee seestr coms hoem frum ficksin teh borked aminuls sune!

kthxbai!

Non-Renewable?!

Blargh.

So.  At various times over the past few months, I put myself on waiting lists for four books from the library.  The lists were all varied in length, but for some reason all the books became available for me to pick up at the same time a couple weeks ago.

I'm in a pickle.  I'm only done reading two of the books.  1 3/4 actually.  They're due on Christmas Eve.

Should I take the two unread books with me to read in Colorado, knowingly incurring the 3 or 4 day overdue book charge, not to mention being discourteous to others who are waiting for the books?  The late fee would probably be a few dollars at most.  Or should I be a good library patron and return them before I leave?

To be honest, I really just want someone to tell me that it's ok to purposely keep two books (for which I've been waiting months) past their due dates.  I just might do it anyway.  

I am such a rebel.

Capuchin Therapy, Coming Right Up!

Nothing like a brand new, smooshy Capuchin baby face to chase those winter blues away...

There's something about this little guy that immediately cheers me up no matter what...enjoy!

"I will not dissect things unless instructed."

I'm surprised I hadn't seen The Simpsons episode "Lisa on Ice" before tonight, especially since it first aired in 1994...but it's about hockey!  I might venture to say that it is now my favorite episode.  There were little things about it I enjoyed too, such as when Homer turns to Marge to complain that Maggie is useless as she silently leaps up to catch a beer bottle flying toward the back of the head, when Lisa's hair pops the only volleyball in Springfield, and this particular episode's chalkboard phrase (see blog title).  "Me fail English?  That's unpossible!"

Work was good today; actually the whole week was productive and went rather smoothly.  There was only one crisis, and it was handled timely and efficiently.  I guess I shouldn't speak too soon, because there's still tomorrow, and it will be the craziest day of the week as I try to wrap things up before I go home for the entire week of Christmas!  Eeeeee.

My brother proposed to his girlfriend (now fiance) last night...and she said yes!  She has a layover in Philadelphia from Friday night into Saturday afternoon, and I'm going to take her ice skating at the RiverRink, which is going to be fun.  She also hasn't had an authentic cheesesteak before, so we'll have to indulge.  One must keep in mind that all of this will occur while wearing totally boss hats with earflaps and pom-poms.

Dante made chocolate chip cookies.

I have to finish my Christmas cards.  I guess it would help to start them first.

I require chapstick.

St. Jude's and Hallmark holiday commercials make me misty.

Fred and Friends products are nifty.

I think I need more Vitamin A.

This entry is so boring, but I'm cool with it.

Now that I'm back in the Blogosphere...

...(assuming I don't fall off the wagon again, of course) I must say that I already feel lighter.  

It doesn't matter how fantastical or substantial, simple or complex, capricious or disciplined, my clouds of thought must be arranged sensibly and properly unloaded or else I will drive myself crazy.  Here's where blogging does what totally boss Sesame Street coloring books, knitting, and reading cannot: I can put my thoughts into words however I damn well please (within the parameters of this 2x6 text box anyway...uhh drat), simply click "Publish Post," and my neatly packaged entries are rocketed into the gaping void that is teh intarwebz, never to weigh on me again.  Ahh.  

Ok, I know it's not always that simple, but it's basically how it works.

Sheesh.  Why did I fall off the friggin' wagon in the first place?

k I muss haf sum sleep nao srsly.  dis wan tyrd kitteh.  kthxnite!

Morning mental health break

O hai n gud moarning deer chzfrends!

This report I’m running is taking for.ev.ur (think Sandlot) and I have to go profile documents in about 20 minutes, so I’m sitting here sipping my English Breakfast tea (with milk and honey, in case you wanted to know) and being serene.

I can safely say that I like my new position now.  After scaling the most treacherous face of the steep learning curve and exhausting all resources to resolve the mistreatment I was experiencing, I walked into work about a week ago, sat at my desk, and the knots in my stomach miraculously went away as I came to the realization that everything had just clicked.  That was a long sentence.  I’m so grateful because I got to the point at which I was treading on dangerously thin ice, as my lupus was flaring and I fell into a deep depression where almost nothing made me happy and I wasn’t taking care of myself at all.  Thank goodness for my loving human sounding boards and hockey. 

H’anyway.  I’m off to profile documents and datasets, and all I can say is that it’s wonderful not to absolutely dread waking up and coming to work each morning.  Maybe getting shit on at work is a rite of passage.  If that’s the case, I’m glad I survived relatively unscathed.

Blessins of Ceiling Cat plz 2 be apwn u srsly.  Kthxbai!

How do I miss thee?

Sigh.

I miss blogging.  Liek omg sew mush srsly.  I haven't had the time or energy to do much of anything for myself over the past month or two, but I'm slowly but surely coming around.  

As always, there is much to be grateful for in the big picture, but until about two weeks ago the "rat race" aspect of life was so challenging and draining that being depressed about it is all I could think about doing.  Thankfully, things are looking up for several reasons...one being that I'm no longer getting completely dicked over at work.  Another being that I'm feeling a little better and am cautiously optimistic.  Even if everything in life is going great, if my lupus is active really puts a damper on things so now that I'm not completely miserable, I can focus on being healthy.

HOME IN 5 DAYS, BETCHES!  

kthxbai!

Fall Colors from SPACE!

I love it out here in the Fall...you can even see the colors from space via Satellite!

Check out the full article here: http://blogs.discovery.com/news_earth/2008/10/fall-colors-fro.html

Fall Happenings

Ok so it's been forever.  Things have been nuts since the last week in September, due in part to:

• Mandy's wedding in Pittsburgh (I was a bridesmaid)
• I am the new HEAD coach for the Concord Flames Red team (I LOVE the ladies I coach!)
• I got a promotion and a raise, including an extra week of vacation
• I got sick (not lupus-sick; a nasty cold thing), but then got better when we WON our first game

In the spirit of October...here's an exclusive sneak peek of the LOLkittehs' HalLOLween kostoomz:

From Kittehs

From Kittehs

It's going to be a most excellent Halloween...

Actually, don't let me get ahead of myself!  I love all of Autumn on the East coast :)...I can't say it better than Lloyd Schwartz, via Sham's blog.

Also...it's getting closer to the holidays!  Whee.  Good times.

kthxbai!

Happy Ceiling Cat Day!

I know of a lot of highly intelligent people (mostly women, come to think of it) who are hesitant to tell others when their reading preferences aren't classics, philosophy and poetry.  While the occasional "heavy" read is awesome and some of my favorite books are classics/academic, I often struggle not to feel self-conscious when I admit that as a general rule, I prefer fantasy, science fiction, young adult books, and novels. 

Whoever this woman is...MAD PROPS!

HEY LADY!  Thanks for this Sunday Secret.  From now on I won't hesitate at all.  I wouldn't use an Unforgivable Curse, but I'll cast a little spell if anyone talks smack, and take comfort in the fact that the people who matter won't judge my reading material.  See?  No reason to feel the slightest bit embarrassed!

On another note, I'm watching Bear Grylls in Alaska, and I like the way he pronounces "glacier."  When Bear says it, it sounds like "glassier."

On Love and Botched Pastries

Promising (very convincingly) that my charred pastries taste incredible in a valiant attempt to reverse my disappointment and prove that my Raspberry Twists aren't ruined?  

If that's not love...well then I don't know what is.

You can't fly with the eagles if you hoot with the owls

Despite being completely exhausted after an exciting week, I do have a spring in my step today.  The forecasted high of 67F, crisp air, and sunshine are so therapeutic and make for an excellent way to usher in the weekend.  In my opinion, the days that allow one to comfortably wear pants and a long-sleeved shirt outdoors are the most desirable.  According to weather.com, the temperature will not exceed 74F for the next ten days with the exception of Sunday, which shouldn't go any higher than 80.

I look forward to this weekend because Dante is working evening shift tonight, first shift on Saturday, then has Sunday off!  I don't remember the last time we had any days off together...we're still deliberating on how much fun stuff we can fit into our weekend.

I'm grateful for this idyllic day and the prospect of the weekend, as both help dull the ache caused by such sad (though admittedly understandable) news: the Foo Fighters are taking an indefinite "break."  Argh.  Not to worry, Fair Readers, I'll survive somehow.

Times are Hard for Dreamers

I finally did it.  I cut myself off and unsubscribed from Robin McKinley's blog.

Here's some background: around the middle- to end- of August, I started reading Robin McKinley's blog because she's always been in close contention for the coveted position of "my favorite author," and found her posts to be whimsy and rambling...just my style.  Also, I was absorbing her words on the basis of raw principle; I love all of her work, so she simply hasn't written enough books in my not-so-humble opinion, and I'm always thirsting for more of her material.  Hence my sheer delight at the discovery of her almost-daily entries that gave me an insight into her life and inspirations.

H'aaaanyway.  For the couple of weeks leading up to my too-short trip home for Labor Day weekend, Robin had been lamenting the poor health of her "hellhounds" - which I think are greyhounds.  Anyway, I was telling my sister about how the hellhounds are lethargic, have diarrhea, are vomiting, not eating, and the whole mess of other issues that Robin was revealing in her entries, as well as the fact that her vet's advice didn't seem to be helping.  My Ada and I co-wrote a comment in response to a blog she had posted that same day which had been fully devoted to her sick dogs.  Basically, my brilliant veterinarian of a sister right away knew that the hellounds needed fluid therapy, which is the simple, obvious, and most effective solution to many pet afflictions, yet no vets seem to acknowledge this!  So, my sister wrote the bulk of our comment with gentle (though admittedly uninvited) suggestions as to what would alleviate her hellhounds' symptoms, and I cushioned Ada's advice with fluffy pleasantries and please-let-us-know-how-your-hounds-are-doings, and we posted our comment with much satisfaction.  The response was...not so nice.  Robin was very terse and basically suggested that we were accusing her of being a bad pet owner, and then informed us that she would worry about her own dogs thankyouverymuchandgoodbye.  I was partially annoyed at her defensiveness when she really should (IMNSHO) be concerned for the welfare of her dogs, but mostly just devastated that the one time I reached out to communicate with her with only the best intentions, she got pissed :(

Yikes.  Needless to say, it was the last thing I was expecting, and was crushed.  I was raised on her books...The Blue Sword being my favorite, followed closely by The Outlaws of Sherwood and The Hero and the Crown, and I always envisioned her to be like her heroines rather than some gripey American-turned-Brit, pet-neglecting, bell-ringing (that's one of her hobbies...playing the bells), homebody.  I mean, I will be the first person to stand up and say that personal blogging is for yourself and yourself only; if you want to bitch, you bitch; if you want to be opinionated, you get to voice your opinions; if you want to ramble about nothing for 29348 paragraphs, you get to do that too.  So...I guess my main complaint is not her blogging style, but rather the fact that all of this has been very disillusioning.  Which I realize is my problem - I don't mean any of this to attack her.  She has every right to "solve" her hounds' fecal issues by doing nothing other than putting newspapers under their butts, to gripe about how she doesn't feel like going to bell-ringing practice, and to be cranky in general if she wants to be...it's just that I spent my entire literate life believing her to be like Harimad-Sol, or Lady Aerin, or Marian; strong, independent, vigilant, compassionate women who are heroic miracle-miracle makers and are directly involved in taking grim situations and revolutionizing them.  

Sigh.  Reviewing what I've written makes me realize that...maybe she is like her heroines in a sense.  I mean, she produced a very diverse and beautiful collection of works that profoundly impacted me (and many others) in many ways; her writing still affects me to this very day.  Which is nothing short of amazing and couldn't have been accomplished without vast amounts of talent and a vivid imagination.  Argh.  Inner conflict.  I know this probably sounds lame unless you've experienced something similar, but I guess I'm just disappointed that the Robin McKinley I've envisioned and idolized for almost 15 years is not the Robin McKinley who lives contentedly across the pond among her roses, and fully exercises her right to grump.  Which is fine and no one else's business.  But...is it naive that it didn't even occur to me that she wouldn't be a sword-wielding, arrow-shooting, ancient-tongue-speaking lady-warrior with a sixth sense?  Wait...don't answer that.  

I find that a lot of my dreams are not like reality (case in point: my medical school debacle), which is not surprising and true for many people, but...somehow I almost always feel sad when things don't turn out to be magical like I expect them to me.  I should know better!  Wow...this entry ended up being more philosophical/generally applied than intended.  Such is the nature of (my) blogging, I suppose.  Ada suggested I let Robin's remark roll off and take it easy on her, especially since we stuck her with apparently and understandably unwelcome advice...so I'm going to try that.  I just think the best way for me to get over Robin's reaction to our attempt at being helpful is just to allow her to rant and rave and gripe as is her right...but not expose myself to it.  Kind of like a breakup...it's easier to get over someone when you cut the cord.  I'll stick to her novels.  I just pray that my one personal encounter with her and my opinion of how she takes care of her animals (which is unfair of me as I have very very limited knowledge) doesn't forever color the way I see her work.

In my unexpected defense of Robin McKinley in the paragraph before last, I think I made myself feel better in realizing that she's a heroine in her own way.  After all, if "it takes one to know one," in order for her to have created such powerful, timeless characters, she'd have to have at least a bit of each them in her, right?  To have even one iota of the awesomeness from each of her kick-ass characters would add up to make her a pretty phenomenal woman.  Maybe her blog just shows the disgruntled side of her because it's the only forum in which she can vent.  Hm.  Ok, I really do feel significantly more healed.

Still, this situation reminds me one of my favorite quotes from Amelie, which probably can be applied to most things: "Times are hard for dreamers."

A VERY Special One Year Anniversary

I only felt comfortable writing about this on the One-Year-and-One-Day mark since I made it through the full day yesterday...

September 11, 2008, marked One Year No-Flare Anniversary.  This is a huge milestone for me as my lupus had/has been very active, dangerous, and truly systemic for about 5 years now, and got to the point where I would be stuck in intensive care for five days at a time about three times per year.  I am so excited!  I'm getting back to my healthy weight, feeling good, and now that a year has passed, I'm regaining confidence in my body's integrity too.  I was on a very slippery slope; my organs certainly wouldn't have been able to handle even a couple more flares like the ones I had been having.

Only my close friends and family read this, so I feel comfortable thanking all of you for the unwavering love and support you've given throughout the time I've known you - whether our particular experiences had to do with lupus or not.

Never Forget

September 11 is always a day of reflection for me.

I like to take a moment to say a prayer and remember not only the tragic events and the lives lost on September 11, 2001, but also the way in which the tragedy brought all Americans together and reminded us that no matter what, "despite our differences, much more unites us than divides us."

I ran a search for 9/11 quotes, and this exerpt was short and sweet, objective, and perfectly articulates what I keep in mind today (I promise I didn't pick it because of who/what party said it!):

Remember how we felt when the serenity of a bright September morning was destroyed by a savage atrocity so hostile to all human virtue we could scarcely imagine any human being capable of it.

We were united. First, in sorrow and anger. Then in recognition we were attacked not for a wrong we had done, but for who we are a people united in a kinship of ideals, committed to the notion that the people are sovereign, not governments, not armies, not a pitiless, inhumane theocracy, not kings, mullahs or tyrants, but the people.

In that moment, we were not different races.

We were not poor or rich. We were not Democrat or Republican, liberal or conservative. We were not two countries.

We were Americans.

- Sen. John McCain, August 30, 2004

Never forget September 11, 2001. 

It's almost time to prepare to start getting excited about the holidays and HOORAY for stream-of-consciousness blurtages and hyphenated compound-words

Mania or high-on-life?  I just got mad excited and here's the process:

I was on RottenTomatoes.com looking at the review for "Stranger Than Fiction " (one of my all-time favs) which led me to peek at Will Ferrell's overall filmography, which led me to "Elf ," which reminded me of what a wonderful movie it is for Christmas cheer, completely-unabashed-affection and good will towards men.  

THEN I started getting excited because today felt like autumn and tonight will be the coldest one of the season, which in turn led me to realize that it almost really is autumn.  

THEN I started getting excited for Halloween, which breaks the trail for Thanksgiving - both of which flank the bursting, vibrant hues of Pennsylvania in the fall (not to mention the bearable temperatures so I can finally venture outside and enjoy it).  Merely imagining the entire upcoming season broadsided me on this idle Wednesday evening (too idle - I'm supposed to be at the gym) with sheer thrill - boldly racing up and down my spine.  Alive with blazing colors, the smells of woodsmoke and new books, and the way in which all organic matter stirs and thrives in this precious-fleeting space of time between the unforgiving-ly stifling heat and the bitterly glacial cold that will drive even the most arrogant-obstinate scrub oak into dormancy...post-summer-pre-winter east of the Mississippi makes my annual promise to myself enjoyable: wait until after Thanksgiving to get really, un-damper-ably, arguably-overly-excited about Christmas and the whole holiday season.

I plan on having some fantastic, Pennsylvania-specific autumn adventures - including apple-picking, hayrides, pumpkin patches, and possibly corn mazes.  I realize some of the aforementioned activities (ok, all) are pretty generic, but from what I hear, those Pennsylvania Dutch really do it up like no one else can.  Now...let's see if my plastering this all over teh intartoobs actually gets my butt in gear to make wonderful fall activities happen!

Oh and for the record, I believe in Santa Claus.  Which is probably why I'm such a nut for the holidays.  So...I invite you to enjoy it with me or please feel free to build a bridge and get over it.

Whew.  Thanks for allowing me that indulgence <3

Sherri: OUT!

A mere 15 minutes until I get to go home!

Dis me rite nao:

mmmm :)

They love us and we love them, what's ours is theirs - that's how it is with friends!

I just got done serenading Dante with Schoolhouse Rock songs.  

:)

"Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla" is my personal favorite:

Endorphins

Dante and I joined a gym Sunday night and made a pact to work out at least 4-5 times per week.  I am so excited.  After we got the grand tour - the facility is very nice, new and loaded - and got our membership cards, we worked out.  Dante did a full lift circuit with free weights, but I went pretty easy...I ran for a mile on the elliptical to warm up, stretched, did an upper body circuit on machines, then stretched, then abs, then stretched.  I know...I stretch a lot, but it does a body good, srsly!  Tonight I will do legs and cardio and really just look forward to getting back into a routine.  I figure only doing one half of my body per day will force me to go back almost every day so I can lift each muscle group once per approximately 48 hours.  Last night - alas - I didn't lift because after necessary errands, we didn't arrive at the gym until around 10:15 pm.  All I did was warm up for 15 minutes on the elliptical, stretched, then got back on for 30 minutes with high resistance, going forward for 3 minutes and backwards for 1.  THEN (after stretching) we lounged in the hot tub and took a dip in the pool.  Gooood times.

I'm sure your life is infinitely more enriched now that you have details of my recent workouts.

There have to be a slew of people who have this tendency as well, but the problem both Dante and I have is that we absolutely love to work out and be in shape and play sports and stuff, BUT since we both grew up playing team sports, we've never really been held accountable for working out independently.  Therefore, even though we have great workouts once we're physically at the facility, we lack the motivation to actually mobilize and get there.  Hence the reason we made a pact: we have to make each other go or else it simply won't happen.

I've been pretty "blah" lately; I'm convinced it's partially because this is the longest I've ever gone not having a real, well-rounded exercise routine.  I know for a fact that this will get me back into my regular good spirits.  As Elle Woods would say: "Exercise gives you endorphins--endorphins make people happy and happy people just don't shoot their husbands... they just don't."  Dante and I are not married, but we do cohabitate, so...MY exercising may just add years to HIS life as well.  Hehe.

In other (admittedly bland) news, I got a swimsuit without feeling depressed after leaving the fitting room, a combination lock for my gym locker AND...a new Nalgene bottle.  It's been a long time since I've gotten a new one, but this particular one is Bisphenol-A (BPA) free.  I'm not overly paranoid and am certainly not a hypochondriac, but I like to be proactive in reducing the potential for additional health problems especially since I may be more susceptible to more profound effects than a person who does not have several autoimmune diseases.  Even though

 the toxicity of the levels of BPA leeched by the old Nalgene bottles is debated, getting a new Nalgene bottle is simple to do, so why not just take the precaution?

In conclusion, this was one of last Sunday's Secrets, and I feel like it spoke to me:

Aaaaand I'm off.  kthxbai!

In the moment of the meantime...

Does it go from east to west

Body free and a body less

Come again just to start afresh

Once again to find a home...

 

In 5 hours, I'll be westward bound.  I'm going home...and I'm taking my Dante with me! 

 

Schedule during the next 24 hours:

• Finish this silly .pst file and get picked up by Dante and whisked to the airport around 4
• Have an enjoyable flight - especially because getting through security should be quick and painless (knock on wood) thanks in part to online check-in and the fact that Dante and I only have carry-on bags
• Get picked up at the airport by BEZREN (Shem & Sham in da HOUSE), then go to the Bales residence to bond with Sarah and Ian
• Start getting krunk and snapping random ridiculous pics
• Pass out blissfully
• Get passed off from Bezren to my dear, cuddly, fun-sized mom and go home to the Springs, hopefully stopping at some point for Noodles&Co.
• Realize and exalt for the 23490283408th time that this is only the beginning of an amazing trip...

COLORADO HERE WE COME!  I'm delighted!

(Extremely) Cool Widgets.

I adds dem.

Speaking of addiction...

...I have a Spider Solitaire problem.

A Decade Later: Boy Crazy Phase, Round 2

Oh heeeey.

So. As I've been reading books just for fun, rather than education, enlightenment, and soul-searching, I'm coming to realize that it's been waaaaaaay too long since I've read anything purely for guilty pleasure and enjoyment. Not that I read trashy romance novels or anything, but I love fantasy, for example. Why, you ask? Because over the past few months (don't worry my dear Dante!) I have developed an unhealthy number of crushes on fictional, mostly supernatural men/vampires/werewolves/etc. I'm using the angsty middle school era as my point of reference for the acceptable number of simultaneous crushes that can be squeezed into a single, though rather large, heart...and sadly, the number of crushes (or at least twinges) I have right now probably exceeds that. Specifically, a certain Mr. Edward Cullen permeates my thoughts. I mean, I have a serious infatuation with this guy, who happens to be a happily married vampire who was born as a human in 1901. How ridiculous is that?

By the way, that question was rhetorical.

The weather has been so nice lately. I love stepping outside from the A/C of my workplace, bracing myself with dread for the impact of oppressively hot, thick air, and instead being met with a cool, clean-smelling breeze gently kissing my face. Aaah. I went to Dorney Park for the birthday celebration of my favorite Philly twins, and not only were the rides and the company stellar, but also the high was 75 and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Almost every other day over the past week or so has had at least one rainfall, not that I mind, because I do love rainstorms (although I do get a little "blah" if it's been dreary for a week or more).

In other news, Dante and I just bought our plane tickets last night. On August 27, we will be Colorado-bound, for a glorious 4 days at home. I need this so much. As quiet as it can be at times (formerly "boring"), Colorado Springs is a wonderful place, with perfect access to deserts, forests, mountains, bodies of water, etc. It's literally centrally-located in the state (and on the Continental Divide!), and pretty much equidistant from every type of terrain and form of entertainment Colorado has to offer. A person can basically enjoy any activity that does not involve the ocean. Despite the fact that I couldn't wait to leave Colorado Springs, I think it took leaving for such an extended period of time for me to really appreciate the state's beauty, friendly people, and all it has to offer.

I haven't been sleeping well lately, and when I do sleep deeply, I don't wake up feeling rested...I'm not quite sure what to do about that.

I would like to purchase a Wii Fit jointly with Dante, so it's really like (ok...sortof) getting it on sale for 50% off retail price (ok...humor me now), but alas, it seems that they're nowhere to be found.

"Scrubs" is awesome.

Pluots are tasty, even though they're freaks of nature.

Hmm. I think that's all for now.

Next destination: End of Rope

I'm rapidly approaching the point where the grit of Philly (mostly the abrasiveness of its natives) inevitably starts to get to me and begins to taint my outlook. Generally when this darkness just starts to push past my tolerance limit, like a fresh breeze on a sweltering day or a rain storm in the middle of a dought, someone comes along and performs a random act of kindness, which restores my faith in the people who supposedly epitomize "Brotherly Love." Bullshit.

This morning, for example: I very nearly got into a bad car accident. I was in my lane, toodling along happily as I abided by traffic laws, when a huge, brand new truck cut swiftly in front of me, so close that our bumpers actually scraped against one another. I beeped in surprise, thinking overly-optimistically that the guy just didn't see me. Much to my disappointment, the offender immediately rolled down his window, screaming obsenities regarding how shitty I was not to let him in, calling me vulgar names, and making hand gestures that would make my little mom turn white as a sheet. I didn't even know some of them. Apparently, he's one of those guys who thinks everyone else can read his mind, and that a pea-brained spontaneous thought to move over was more than enough to make up for the fact that he forgot to use his turn signal. I know what goes around comes around...maybe next time the driver he cuts off won't be paying attention. I'm confident that an asshole in a big truck with no concern for following the rules has one or both reasons for driving such a huge vehicle:

1. Somewhere in the back of his feeble mind, he knows that his reckless driving will cause an accident, so he needs to feel more secure in being higher up off the ground and having more metal around him. And rollbars. Asshole.
2. He wants to use his vehicle as a means of intimidation so smaller, urban-friendly cars will hurry out of his way.

To voice the least and most superficial concern of mine, just in the interest of identifying one positive outcome of the situation, is that at least his truck was silver so the minor damage my car incurred is nothing a little rubbing compound won't handle.

I'm overdue for my dose of decency. I don't even need to be on the receiving end, I just need to witness a real-life scenario in real time when a person reaches out to another with nothing in it for himself - but rather for no reason other than to help out.

Unfortunately, these displays of (mostly) selfless goodwill are rare, but when I am exposed to even just one little act of kindness and decency, it's always enough to recharge my spirit.

I'm going to find some chocolate milk. That will cheer me up.

Let's hear it for simple pleasures, and the promise of a miracle, no matter how small.

Incredible quote from "Martian Child"

David [John Cusack a.k.a. The Man] is talking to Dennis, the kid he adopted who claims to be from Mars and is having a hard time adjusting to life on Earth:

Dennis, can I just say one last thing about Mars? This may be strange coming from a Science-Fiction writer, but...:

Right now, you and me here, put together entirely from atoms, sitting on this round rock with a core of liquid iron held down by this force of this trouble you call gravity, all the while spinning around the sun at 67 thousand miles an hour and whizzing through the Milky Way at 600 thousand miles an hour in a universe that very well may be chasing its own tail at the speed of light. And amidst all this frantic activity, fully cognizant of our own imminent demise (which is a very pretty way of saying we all know we're going to die), we reach out to one another; sometimes for the sake of vanity, sometimes for reasons you're not old enough to understand yet...but a lot of the time we just reach out...and expect nothing in return.

Isn't that strange? Isn't that weird? .. Isn't that weird enough? The heck do ya need to be from Mars for?!

The film is full of good quotes, but this one sticks.

Before bed...a quick sidenote on homesickness

I am sorely missing Colorado right now. Granted, I find that as I spend more time in Philadelphia I feel stronger, more capable, and better able to find things around me to appreciate, but the truth is, I'm really out of my natural element here. I was trying to put this into words when I was talking to Mueller (Pittsburgh born-and-bred) today, and he explained my homesickness:

me: im not forlorn or anything...just maybe a bit out of my element?
Chris: well, you're not a mouth breathing ass wipe, so of course philly wouldnt be your element

Hahahaha. In all fairness though, I'm grateful for my experiences here, no matter how rocky some of them have been. I have grown so much in every single way, and things are going well for me out here at this point in my life in terms of giving me the tools and teaching me the skills I need for the "real world," but honestly...aside from having family and friends in Colorado, how could anyone not* miss the beauty of places like Maroon Bells, Hanging Lake, and Garden of the Gods?

Here they are, respectively, even though photos don't do them justice:

Sigh.

Ahm le tired. I really need to get some sleep now.


*The blogger recognizes and openly acknowledges her bias.

We can stick around and see this night through

H'okay, so.

I’ve been literally addicted to the “Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire” series by Charlaine Harris. I sailed through the eight books (each one between 300-400 pages) within two weeks or so; devoting all of my spare time and concentration to them. Charlaine Harris doesn't take herself too seriously and I doubt that one of her works will win a Pulitzer any time soon, but geez-oh-man does she know how to spin a good tale.

I finished the eighth book From Dead to Worse yesterday, which was perfect timing because I will have a lull during which I can rest up before my preordered copy of Breaking Dawn, the last installment of the "Twilight" series by Stephenie Meyer, arrives on my doorstep.

Just thinking about the "Twilight" series gets my heart racing. I have a heart-wrenchingly massive crush on the main vampire in the series: Edward Cullen. I don't even remember being so filled with angst in middle school...no doubt due to the fact that since Edward is fictional (and in love with Bella - harrumph) he is 100% unattainable. I finished the first three books in the series within the space of about 5 days in February, and it took me a relatively significant amount of time to "get over" Edward [by the way, I'm laughing at my own ridiculousness as I type]. I have mixed feelings about Breaking Dawn. On the upside, it's going to be nothing short of f'awesome and I've been waiting for its release for months. HOWEVER, not only is this the last book in the series, but also...it took me months to "get over" Edward, and now the wounds will reopen.

[Insert dramatic sigh here, as you see my fling myself onto a chaise lounge]

Ha. Naaaw jus' messin'; Breaking Dawn will be great. AND my heart won't have to suffer alone anymore...I was in a bad state in February, but Bezren just got into the "Twilight" series and has fallen in love with Edward as well. See?! I'm not the only one!

If you have a penchant for the supernatural and some appreciation for excellent writing within the genre of fantasy, check out Sunshine by Robin McKinley. All of her other books are amazing too, particularly The Blue Sword, and in my humble opinion, The Outlaws of Sherwood, her rendition of the Robin Hood story.

ANYway. I went to the library today to collect materials I had placed on hold: "The Office Season One," "Scrubs: Season One," "Martian Child," and Moloka'i (the only book in the bunch!). It should be no secret by now that I love the library. Philadelphia's Free Library System is one of my favorite things about the city; it's so accessible, flexible, and hosts a myriad of literacy and empowerment programs, open to everyone, from every walk of life.

I decided to stop by a branch closer to my new place in Germantown, and I was struck by a huge, beautiful tiled mosaic on the library's entryway wall:



Inspiring, is it not? Granted, I don't know what it's like to not be a hopeless romantic, but this certainly impacts me.

If you'd like, check out more Philadelphia Public Art here: http://www.philart.net/

Ich möchte eine authentische Erfahrung...

Hallo meine kleine Lämmer!

I'm sitting here in my office, taking a mental health break. For some reason, it seems that every time I turn around, someone says dejectedly "Oh well, it is what it is." Everyone is down at the mouth here because of this crappy litigation that's eating up all of our time...but seriously...what does that even mean? And how does it apply? Oh well.

Anyway, this week has been tiring and is going by in a blur. I'm looking forward to end of business hours tomorrow, so I can be home-free for a blissful (and hopefully not as hot) couple days. I've been scatterbrained too - as evidenced by the fact that I left my cell phone in my desk drawer at work for the past two nights.

Monday night, Tammy and I went to The Trocadero to see Alexa Wilkinson, Vanessa Carlton, and Joshua Radin. Not only is The Troc one of my favorite venues (Red Rocks is second to none), but the company and music were phenomenal as well.

• I hadn't heard of Alexa Wilkinson before, but she was very talented. She played the guitar and sang (common among singer/songwriters), but also played the trumpet during one of Vanessa Carlton's songs. Her lyrics are very profound, so I bought a copy of her CD (she signed it too!) fer madd cheep.
  

• Vanessa Carlton was simply amazing. Her music and lyrics have a way of enchanting me, but seeing her live brought me up to a whole other level and I spent her entire set covered in goosebumps.
  

• I was certainly not as familiar with Joshua Radin as I am with VC, even though he was the headliner. His lyrics were also profound, and he had a short story behind every song which made it more meaningful. He was awesome and his crooning made me melt, so I got his CD too - for some reason the CDs at the concert were cheaper than they retail, which was pleasantly surprising because most concerts jack the CD prices up by at least 25%. After the concert Joshua signed the CD booklet and even gave me a hug!
  

Sidenote: over the course of the past couple of years, as cell phones get increasingly advanced and combined with just about every other digital media device, many people experience a significant amount of their lives through the camera/camcorder on their cell phones. At the concert, Tam and I were surrounded by people - mostly our age or younger - who basically watched the concert on the tiny digital screens of their cell phones, cameras, and camcorders. I was relieved to see that the older generations present at the show seemed to recognize the reason concerts are called "live" performances, and how said performances are intended to be enjoyed. I tend to experience things with as many senses as possible, so I enjoy the way live music courses through my entire body and mind. To say that watching an entire show on a little screen would seriously detract from that, to say the least.

I, for one, crave an authentic experience, and think it's safe to say that's how I will always be.

Entropy

I saw Dark Knight last night. Finally! What a tremendous experience.



Aside from the fact that Joker was played scarily well, his acknowledgment and application of chaos theory to his actions was pretty mind-bending. I'm not sure that I've ever experienced a film - one for the purpose of entertainment anyway - that tapped into such a deep well of insight and philosophy. That may be a little extreme, but if I have witnessed in a movie such a dark cyclone of thought-provoking analysis of a very real, very natural phenomenon, I certainly can't remember it. I was intrigued by the concept of orderly disorder when studying thermodynamics, and was reminded of my fascination with entropy. This quick rundown of how I related chaos theory in Dark Knight to thermodynamic entropy is not meant to be definitive by any stretch, but rather my humble take on the matter. Some don't even define entropy as order/disorder anymore...that's just the way I loosely see it. Back to the movie...I'd really like to see it again because there was just too much brilliance to be absorbed in one sitting.

To say Heath Ledger was incredible as Joker would be a gross understatement. We'll leave it at that though, because it would take me a long time to sit here and try to come up with an apt adjective. I may even have to use the thesaurus. Eh. He was fabulous anyway. As I recall, he's the only celebrity about whose death I was actually shaken deeply. I was extremely sad when Peter Jennings died, but if I may venture to say, though horrible, succumbing after battling cancer is much more natural than an accidental overdose (assuming that's what happened) when one has his whole life ahead of him, including a small child upon whom he doted. Ah well...such is life. And death.

Onward.

Now this is sure to blow all y'all (yes I just went there) away...but...
I
found
a
toy
in
my
boxof
cereal
this
morning

I will give you a moment to absorb this.

H'okay so. I blearily opened a brand new box of Honey Nut Cheerios this morning - I'm not usuall a morning person unless I'm rising early for sports - and immediately perked up when I found my super-awesome Batman disc launcher in the box. In mind, I was whisked back to my early youth, to the days when I would rush through a box of cereal just so I could open a new one; as soon as the cardboard flap was hastily pried open, I would plunge my (clean) hand into the cereal to retrieve the cheap plastic toy. At least the toy I unearthed (uncerealed?) was outside the bag.


My incredibly boss launcher is the third one.

Kthxbai!

I'm conducting it all while I sleep, to light this whole town

I'm feeling a bit like Muffin today:

I need to start going to bed earlier...

Oh! I found my library card! I'm going straight to the library after work.

...and their was much rejoicing. Yay.

Sidenote: Ceiling Cat, please let there be an "Arrested Development" movie in the works.

Tonight's entry is brought to you by the letter "Mu!" [cue Sesame Street theme]

Storms exhilirate me.

We have a sunroom in our apartment with a couple large skylights. I love the rhythmic drumming of rain on the glass, and the very unique sounds that can only be made by the drops slapping against the leaves of the trees that surround my house. The only thing I don't like is when the crab apples fall onto the skylights and roll off...sheesh. Makes me jump every time!

I'm excited to see "Dark Knight." I'm also looking forward to this Monday; Tam and I have plans to go see Joshua Radin and Vanessa Carlton in concert (there's one other opener I am forgetting...). To boot, The Trocadero is one of my favorite venues.

In other, more dismal news, the friend issue I mentioned earlier looks as though it cannot be resolved. Such is life. All you can do is give it a fair try, and I can honestly say I did my very best. Sometimes there's just a fork in the road, or perhaps (*cough*) a T-intersection on a 79% grade hill that just so happens to be covered in liquid hot magma because it's actually been an active volcano all along...which you didn't realize until just now. Whoops!

Moooooving right along.

O hai! Aym glad ur heer...sinse weer speekin of "moo," mai Cowfrnd and I maed sum artwrk fur ur enjoimntz:

Heheeeehehhehehehe.
Chucklz. I haz dem.


kthxnite!

Justice Served

UPDATE:

The burglar who broke into the 1st floor apartment of my house was caught! Jermaine and Mia (the wonderful couple living downstairs with their baby Chidima) ID'd the burglar after the detectives caught him prowling around the area surprisingly indiscreetly.

The burglar was not the brightest crayon in the box, as he was wearing one of Jermaine's watches and carrying his Blackberry when he was nabbed...

Anyway, I just got off the phone with Mia, and while I'm certainly not going to let my guard down as I'm out and about in the city, I definitely feel more at ease especially as I will be home alone for the next few nights.

Philately

I try to learn a new word each day...and philately is today's word!

I thought it looked a bit questionable, but was pleasantly surprised:

Web definitions for Philately
	The hobby of stamp collecting. www.stamps.org/kids/january/stamps_vocabulary.htm - Definition in context

Anyway, I'm pleased to know "philately," because it's one of those words that just suits me.

I'm having some friend troubles. I think this friend is close enough to me so that we can sort this out and resolve the issues on both sides, but it's still very unsettling. Messes with my chi, dammit!

This heat is really getting to me. Humidity makes me aware of my lupus at all times (pressure in chest, achy joints, fatigue, etc.), I'm too hot to go to yoga (where the room is heated to 105 degrees as it is), too hot to play outside (hike, bike, etc.), and have to be careful in observing my eating habits, which is alien to me as someone who loves food and grew up in a family that celebrates nommable cuisine. Basically, when it gets friggin stifling like it is now, I am simply not hungry - even when presented with my favorite foods. This is in addition to the fact that cooking makes my kitchen hotter. Speaking of, after I'm done posting I gotta find me some vittles.

Dante's working 2nd shift and is leaving straight from work for Pittsburgh. I'm a little jealous (but mostly happy for him) because he gets to play cards, eat Smiley cookies at Eat'n'Park, hang out with cool people, be with his family, etc....basically all that "home" encompasses. Granted, I was just in Pittsburgh over the weekend...but yeah. Not only is it just not the same as Colorado (obviously), I didn't get to see any of my friends, a.k.a. Dante's friends who kindly adopted me as their own and who I now hold very near and dear to my heart. Aww warmfuzzies.

I get really lonely in Philly sometimes. I'm actually a little freaked out right now too, which doesn't help. Over the past few days, there have been break-ins on the first floor of my house (I live on the second), the first floor of the house next door, and my crazy neighbor upstairs said that it looked like someone tampered with one of the locks that leads to the entryway we share with him. This is alarming because we live in a very safe neighborhood, and the nature of the break-ins suggests that the burgled homes were scoped out, as the crimes would occur soon after the residents would leave. I am grateful to live on the 2nd floor, but that still doesn't keep me from feeling paranoid.

I hugged someone today. She was must have been wearing the same moisturizer my sister uses on her face, because I closed my eyes for a second after I caught a whiff of the stuff, and imagined I was hugging my dear Ada. Startling reminders like that, in any form, cause a pang of homesickness but a surge of love at the same time. I'm lucky to have such a family and home.

Speekn of mai deer seestr, she plz 2 sent dis tewdai. Iz happeemakin.

more cat pictures

Aww. Ai goes chear up nao kthxbai!

Young Folks

I'm by no means James Blunt's biggest fan, but I love his cover of "Young Folks," originally by Peter, Bjorn, and John.



I first heard the original at my brother's house in Melbourne, FL. I had been really stressed out in Philadelphia for one reason or another, but mostly just worn down from the grind of city life. I went to Eric's for the weekend, and awoke the first morning in a quiet, cool room illuminated by the bright, yet unoppressive sunlight filtering in through the blinds. Eric had "Young Folks" playing in the living area and was the first thing I heard upon waking. As I lay, rested and content, the lyrics (and cheerful whistling!) drifted into my room and bound themselves to the feelings I savored in that moment: peace, familiarity, and relaxation that can only be achieved in a home* environment. Not only is "Young Folks" a good song, but it also immortalized my comfortable tangle of just-waking-up thoughts...which I think is the real reason I love it so much.

In other obscure music news, Feist was on Sesame Street:



Awesome. Seriously.

These are a few of the thoughts running through my head right now:

I have no idea why I love Bikram Yoga so much, because I feel extremely uncomfortable in this heat and humidity. My hair doesn't like it either. Before moving here, if someone told me that completely-straight hair could frizz, I would not believe him for a second.

Despite living in Pennsylvania (at least off-and-on) for 5 years, I still feel completely taken by small wonders such as lightning bugs and trees that bloom.

I really love the Penguins' Winter Classic jerseys. I'd be tickled pink to have a Sykora one. Partially because my lucky number is 17.

I have a party dress that I love and looks great on me (if I may say so!) but haven't found occasion to wear.

Yup. Still obsessed with LOLspeak. It just never gets old.

I could really use some chapstick.

I feel better, stronger, faster, and more comfortable being in my own body with each passing day as I shed the evidence of my last horrible flare. Literally: shed.

I have crushes on vampires in books. Like, heart-aching, puppy-dog, middle school crushes. Specifically Edward Cullen from Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight" series, Constantine in Robin McKinley's "Sunshine," and currently William Compton in Charlaine Harris's "Southern Vampire" series. Seriously...these vampires are so dreamy.

I wonder why I twirl my hair around my finger without thinking about it when I'm tired. I've done this since I was a wee Sherri. At least I don't suck my thumb anymore.

I find beauty in function.

I just found out that Clifford the Big Red Dog is a vizsla! I love vizslas.

And lastly, I don't care what anyone says; I do believe there are still many mysteries left in the world. I hope some remain undiscovered.

Ok kids, time for bed.

*NOTE: Since I moved across the country for college, I stopped defining "home" exclusively as a geographical location, and began to attach the concept of "home" to people. Thus, being at Eric's apartment, regardless of the fact that the place is brand new and I've only been there twice, was like being home to me.

Letting Go

After a couple cathartic conversations last night (Dad and Raro), I'm in a much better place and feel infinitely more centered. Writing that blog entry helped too...regardless of what Morgan got into and the decisions he made, I prefer to remember him at his best; as the person I know he was at his core. Some prefer to be angry with him, and remember him the way he acted when he was abusing substances. There are also people who can't help but feel that way. This is entirely their prerogative and I respect that, but I think it takes more energy to be mad and negative than it does to be positive and at peace. Oh well...each to his own. Each person deals with grief and anger in his own way and knows what's best for his own personality.

I knew that most of the reason I was so frantic was due to the impending memorial, and the fact that I would miss it. Also the fact that out here 1800 miles from home, I couldn't properly talk to others who knew him and try to work through my mixed feelings...I usually understand myself pretty well, and not being able to wrap my head around the situation and identify some sort of logic and understanding was very disturbing and affected me profoundly. That was causing me to flounder a little bit. Thankfully, I think my feelings are pretty well sorted out now and I can move on. Last night my dad suggested that today at 1:00 PM (the memorial will take place in Colorado Springs at 11:00 AM) I just take a short walk and think good thoughts, then let go and continue on the happy path along which I'm leading myself. I won't forget Morgan of course, but I have to observe the fact that he made a choice and took action. I don't agree with the way he left things, but it is what it is. Talking to my dad was very therapeutic as well as educational. I don't know why I didn't call him earlier...the week certainly would have been easier. It's no secret that the man is a fountain of wisdom. Everyone in my family is brilliant and has varied experience and insight; maybe it's just that he has dealt with things like this before. Plus, he's just "Dad."

Back to work. Peace out...for real!

Thanks for the Memories

I'd known Morgan since his first day of school in Colorado. He came from the great state of Texas, and right from the get-go, we were buddies. I am heartbroken that he was in so much pain he felt he had no alternative other than to end his own life, but I will focus on the happy times I shared with him and the joy his spirit brought to everyone who was lucky enough to know him.

I was reluctant to write this, mostly because I feel as though no expression of wordsmithing or emotion would be good enough for him. However, I just had to put something out there...mostly for selfish reasons, as I need an outlet for the ever-increasing amount of pressure being bottled up inside me and the fact that the 1,800 miles of distance between here and Colorado Springs has never seemed greater. I've also never felt so isolated, as there is no one where I am who can understand the light that Morgan took with him when he left.

Among many memories with which he left me, two specifically come to mind and invariably cause me to burst out laughing through my tears:
1) He rocked a mullet and sported an impressive cowlick until middle school. It was awesome. Everything is bigger in Texas, and apparently that included the hairdos of prepubescent boys. With the aid of products that made his hair shiny, rigid, and remarkably aromatic, he donned his Texan crown proudly. I'm pretty sure all the girls had crushes on him at some point.
2) He baked his very first batch of cookies in my kitchen on Suntide Place. Not only were each of his cookies little gooey masterpieces, but hilarity ensued in our cookie-making process, including a flour fight, dough mysteriously smeared on the ceiling, and Morgan "accidentally" chopping off a chunk of my hair (the damage was not visible, thank goodness). The entire day was spent bustling to the melodious tones of laughter and good conversation. We ended up with something like 15 dozen cookies for a school function. After our cookies were devoured, we got rave reviews...no doubt because lots of care and love went into them.

This quick entry should not be considered a worthy tribute to Morgan's amazing personality, his short but meaningful life, or the ways in which he profoundly affected so many...but rather a means by which I can share a couple vignettes to serve as little windows into the scope of my experience with him, that I will hold near and dear to my heart forever. I feel so blessed not only to have shared a friendship with Morgan, but also that when I think of him my impulse to laugh and smile is overwhelmingly more powerful than my urge to cry. I think (and hope) that's how he would have wanted it to be.

Morgan, thanks for letting me be part of your awesome existence. I just hope that wherever you are, you're not in pain anymore and that you have a perfect vantage point from which you can see the countless people who love you and your family for the small, everyday miracles you created just by being yourself.

Below is his obituary, published in the local paper today.

February 7, 1985 - July 10, 2008 Morgan Scott Hutchins, age 23, passed away unexpectedly July 10. He is survived by his parents, Hutch and Kay, his brother Taylor, his maternal grandparents Steve and Evelyn Jones of Albuquerque, his paternal grandparents Bob and Gene Hutchins also of Albuquerque, his aunts and uncles Ray and Teri Jones of Orlando, FL, Steve Hutchins of Ada, OK, Larry and Debra Kincaid, Jim and Debra Hutchins, Dan and Cathy Hutchins, all of Albuquerque. Morgan also leaves behind the love of his life, Linsey Bottiger, and a multitude of dear friends, co-workers and neighbors who cherished him. Everyone who knew Morgan was drawn to his magnetic charm, electric smile and his beautiful expressive eyes. He loved his music, snowboarding, climbing 14er's, canoeing and fishing, and he was an inventive cook. He was an affectionate and loving son, and his passing leaves an enormous hole in our lives. Morgan had a huge heart with room enough for everybody else's joys and pain. He was outwardly exuberant about life and could light up a room just walking through the door. He just could not love himself the way he loved his family and friends. He was deeply loved by his mom, his dad, his brother and his Linsey. We pray his soul is at peace now, but we will miss him and love him forever. The memorial service for Morgan will be Thursday, July 17 at 11:00 AM at Sunrise United Methodist Church, 2655 Briargate Blvd. In lieu of flowers we request that donations be made in Morgan's name to HEARTBEAT, an aftercare program of the Suicide Prevention Partnership, 2860 Circle Drive, Suite 102, Colorado Springs 80916... --> FH = Swan-Law Funeral Directors -->
Published in The Gazette on 7/15/2008