liberty

REQUIRED LISTENING:

REQUIRED LISTENING: Vince Guaraldi Trio, "Linus and Lucy"

One of my all-time favorite songs ever, courtesy of 1001 rules for my unborn son on 12/15/09



I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! I suddenly have the urge to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Confession: I'm such a huge Christmas dork that I carry around a thumb drive on which I have all my shorter holiday favorite movies, including but not limited to: the aforementioned, Claymation Christmas Special, A Muppet Family Christmas (!), How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Garfield's Christmas Special, etc.

Ok back to work.

luceat lux vestra

Today is December 11, 2009.  My first date with DJ was December 11, 2003.  We went to the Student Activity Center on Temple's main campus and got the bangin', but totally unauthentic, General Tso's chicken. Does it count as a date if we each used a meal off of our meal plans using our student IDs? Either way, it was the first dinner we shared together. Afterwards, we took a walk around campus. I was cold because I was wearing just a light jacket over a totally boss Mighty Mouse shirt with Gap flare jeans and Doc Martens, so we went to sit in the common area of his dorm room. He was wearing a baby blue sweater with RL Polo khakis and Adidas shell toed sneakers. It's interesting how creepily accurate my memory can be...some intricate details, without any real rhyme or reason, are just burned into my mind. It was a nice night. Unfortunately, a student had died the day before and there had just been a candlelight vigil for her; I didn't know that until the following day, so in the space of those couple hours, DJ and I just enjoyed the candles illuminating Berks Mall and Liacouras Walk on a quiet winter evening.

My, how time flies.  My, how some things change.  My, how some things stay the same.

I took a few minutes to try to analyze my thoughts, feelings, and moderate angst on this six year benchmark and I think that I have successfully identified what's going on with me. I'm actually having a breakthrough right now: for the first time since well before our breakup in May, I feel more nostalgic than sad when recalling happy times; happy times that one-by-one were stuffed back into the farthest, dustiest, most neglected corner of my recollection since the decline started happening 2+ years ago. I believe that I compartmentalized them to preserve them - for safekeeping, or something to draw upon and justify my efforts when times were especially painful and I wondered why I didn't cut and run. Maybe both.

I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure both of my parents think that my sadness comes from being unsure of my decision and quite frankly, think I'm mourning the loss of my relationship. I realize that I'm not, but I am frustrated that my actual feelings are so hard to articulate, and it seems that very few things I say are either expressed or interpreted accurately when I converse with my mom, so whatever. I think my dad might feel awkward if I talk about it with him and leave Mom out (mostly the "leaving Mom out" part). At the same time though, I can see their point of view: like most kids, I would withhold the really bad details beyond "oh, we had a fight but we talked it out and it's ok now!" and just tell them the cute, fuzzy details. When there were no more cute, fuzzy details, or when they were few and far between, I would either lie or say "we're both SUPER busy but really good!" That said, the extent of my gradual heartbreak was news to them. I should have been more honest with the people who love me and support me, but most importantly, I should have been honest with myself. Oh well - hindsight is 20/20 or whatever. All of that aside, even if my mom and I were on the same page during an interaction as complicated as this one, I doubt she would believe me because it seems like she often thinks she knows me better than I know myself because she's "an eye person." When I was sad after reading DJ's letter at Thanksgiving, she saw my sadness, but interpreted it in her own way. She is indeed an "eye person," but there are a myriad of things, and combination of things, I could be sad about following a 5 to 5.5 year relationship, so without asking, which she didn't, it's impossible to pinpoint the exact cocktail of grief. But...that's ok. I feel good writing all of this. Really good. I'm brand-new at letting myself be ok with maintaining my own position that differs from hers, but...I am ok with the contentment I have with my continual self-awareness and offering it into the void without criticism or judgment as often as I need a reprieve.

I'm sad because the person DJ has become is vastly different from the person he was six years ago, I changed, and we didn't grow together in our relationship. I didn't realize it until relatively recently, so the acknowledgment of the entire time during which we were sliding down a steep muddy slope just burst in and sucker punched me me all at once. That was hard, and is something with which I'm still coping, but I'm slowly but surely healing (with help). A significant source of my suffering stems from remembering, with the clarity of my memory of my little boy's large Mighty Mouse shirt with peeling screenprint and the cracked part on the instep sole of his sneakers, the way things could have been if they took a different direction, and the disappearance of the person with whom I fell in love and with whom I had imagined spending my foreseeable future. I'm also mourning the last two and a half years, during which I spent most of the time unhappy and with very little self confidence. However, even this can be seen as very tragic, it was not in vain because I know I learned a lot about myself and about what I want out of life, got wiser, and one hell of a lot stronger when I finally summoned the courage to do what was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, but was best for ME and the only way to get myself out of a situation that was causing me devastating pain. It also brought me to where I am today.

I enjoy my own company and have spent a lot of time, by choice, over the past couple years in silent solitude. I like myself, but it's nice to be happy with someone else. However, I'm not used to it, so allowing myself be happy with someone is the next hurdle...but I'm ready to squeeze my eyes shut and leap.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

[A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3]


I'm not going to reread this...it's too much. So just throw a [sic] after all the mistakes kthx.


[EDIT]


Marianne Williamson wrote the passage I quoted above (not Nelson Mandela - contrary to popular belief).

It's still snowing

The forecast today called for rain with the possibility of a little snow mixed in.  I translated that to mean sleet.

Well, in Bridgeport, the snow started early this afternoon; light fluffy flakes that are continuing to fall, and should continue to fall until midnight or so. In fact, there's a winter weather advisory!  I was just thinking about how this year, I haven't really felt the insane surge of Christmas spirit I usually feel around this time.  I thought to myself: if it were snowing, I know I would more in the spirit.  Sure enough, with the efficacy of my sister's and my snow dance, the snow began to fall and I feel better now.



This is the only year of my life, as far as I can remember, that I haven't had an Advent calendar.  I need to get on that, stat.

I have had such a hard time shaking my flare from over the summer.  Usually, by this time, I'm good as new, but this time around, I'm lagging and inconsistent.  Occasionally, I have an awesome day, but more often than not, I just don't feel right.  I don't know what to do.  A couple days ago, the onset of flare symptoms started, and now I'm in pain and am having a hard time moving around.  It's bad when I can't move around much due to fatigue, but fatigue and pain? Sucks.

I don't really feel like writing. I'm gonna try to knit for a bit and maybe come back to this.

WANT:

A book-filled staircase

London-based Levitate Architects came up with this ingenious solution to a book storage problem and created a loft-like bedroom nestled under the roof of the top-floor apartment. Here’s what Levitate’s Tim Sloan had to say about the project:

The flat occupies part of the shared top floor of an existing Victorian mansion block. Our proposal extended the flat into the unused loft space above, creating a new bedroom level and increasing the floor area of the flat by approximately one third. We created a ‘secret’ staircase, hidden from the main reception room, to access a new loft bedroom lit by roof lights. Limited by space, we melded the idea of a staircase with our client’s desire for a library to form a ‘library staircase’ in which English oak stair treads and shelves are both completely lined with books. With a skylight above lighting the staircase, it becomes the perfect place to stop and browse a tome. The stair structure was designed as an upside down ‘sedan chair’ structure (with Rodrigues Associates, Structural Engineers, London) that carries the whole weight of the stair and books back to the main structural walls of the building. It dangles from the upper floor thereby avoiding any complicated neighbour issues with the floors below.

Spread some holiday cheer, one card at a time

I appreciate the sentiment, but somehow this feels...wrong-ish:

Spread some holiday cheer, one card at a time

via Gmail Blog by The Gmail Team on 12/2/09

Posted by Jason Toff, Associate Product Marketing Manager

Every year around this time I start thinking about the annual holiday email I send to friends and family members. I usually email my mom, dad, sister, friends and co-workers. But the one person who appreciates my season's greetings the most — my grandma — is stuck in the pre-digital age of snail mail. Of course, I could go to a store, aimlessly wander through the aisles, choose a card, wait in line to pay for it, go to the post office, pick up some stamps, etc., etc. — but wouldn't it be so much easier just to fill out a form and have Gmail handle the rest?

This holiday season, as a token of our appreciation to our most enthusiastic fans, we'll snail-mail a free holiday postcard on your behalf. Yes, through the mail and everything.


To send a card, visit gmail.com/holidaycard. We'll only be able to send cards to US addresses and to a limited number of people (due to limited Gmail elf availability), so be sure to request one soon.

And if you're headed home for the holidays, consider spending some "computer time" with loved ones who aren't as up-to-date with technology. With some luck, maybe this time next year you'll be able to email them a holiday card instead!
Wishing a happy holiday to you and yours!

On special spaces

This is - literally - almost exactly like my special corner in my old apartment on Wayne Avenue. My papasan chair cushion was even that very same color. Even the color of the hardwood, the candles on the windowsill, and the trees outside are the same.

Hmm. It's interesting how things have changed since then. I miss my special corner, but there will be others (possibly including one with a windowseat) and I wouldn't trade my life now for anything.

Home tomorrow. I can't believe it's Thanksgiving (almost December!) already.

Bad Romance

I still maintain that the woman is batshit crazy, but hot damn is she brilliant. I challenge anyone to present an argument suggesting otherwise.



And uh, why yes, those glasses are made out of razorblades.

I'm gonna see her in December! It's bound to be a great performance.

From the Voyage Vaults, Object No. 27

I've been here. Hot damn am I blessed.

From the Voyage Vaults, Object No. 27

via Curious Expeditions by M on 11/3/09

Stairway to the Dark Church

The Dark Church (Karanlık Kilise) at the Göreme Open Air Museum, is carved straight out of the soft volcanic rock peaks that the Cappadocia region of Turkey is famous for. We previously wrote about the history of Cappadocia here, but we didn't mention the ancient art secreted away within the many rock churches of the area. The Dark Church was named for the low amount of light that penetrates the interior, and thanks to this moody low lighting, has some of the best preserved frescoes in Cappadocia.

The Dark Church's magnificent 11th century Byzantine frescoes have recently been restored, and dimly lit but brightly painted, this cave-like church is at once eerie and inspiring.

Crucifixion Fresco

Exterior of the Dark Church

Painted Dome of Christ Pantocrator

Heavily Frescoed Domes and Walls

The Transfiguration Fresco

Fresco of Angels

See more of our photos from the Göreme Open Air Museum at our Flickr Set

I'm not sure why this affects me

...but it does.

Beruphoto / РУБРИКА “АВТОР”.

via nihil noetia on 11/12/09

Beruphoto / РУБРИКА "АВТОР".

Feel Grateful, Sleep Better!

Maybe I'll start up a "Gratitude Journal."

Read about the concept here: Feel Grateful, Sleep Better!

It actually makes sense to me...

As I come clean.

Please just stop and listen:



I first heard it while riding in the car with a friend. I was working on my cardigan, and as soon as I heard the opening strains I stopped knitting so I could focus and listen. It's funny; my friend pointed this out to me yesterday. She went to change the radio station when the song started, noticed that I had become transfixed, and turned the volume dial higher rather than the tuner. For that I am grateful. I must have been so focused that I didn't realize I had basically become paralyzed. I guess this is a stand-still song...I haven't experienced one in a long time. The music filled me up and took up so much space that I found myself to be breathless. I still feel that way every time I hear it.

It's an aptly titled song, I suppose.

I will try to be better about staying updated with stuff and in touch with my people. I'm still getting my ducks in a row, so please bear with me.

So apparently I'm an introvert?

Despite the fact that I know I'm not totally introverted, and that this exhaustive guide makes introversion seem like an illness or perhaps a fickle plant, each item on the list pretty accurately describes quirks of mine.

Praha!

I'd love to go back to Prague someday; it's one of my favorite cities in the world.

Coming across photos like this that evoke strong feelings and stir up great memories reminds me that I'm incredibly lucky to have been so many places...thanks Mom and Dad!

P.S. Frank is great, but he's totally (that guy)^2: not only does he heat up fish in the employee microwave, but he also fails to clear his time off the display when he's done nuking his food before the full time elapses. It's great to be back.

(I wasn't being sarcastic...it really is)

Brand New Pigmy Hippo Hits Rotterdam

Oh my GOD. The hippolet is nomming LETTUCE and CARROTS. WANT.

Hed asploed in 3...2...1..

Brand New Pigmy Hippo Hits Rotterdam

via ZooBorns by Chris Eastland on 10/2/09

A newborn Baby Hippo pygmy from Rotterdam's Blijdorp Zoo, is no bigger than a head of lettuce! The pygmy hippo grows to just over 3ft tall - just one fifth of the size of the common hippopotamus and is the only other species of hippo in the world. Reclusive and nocturnal, the mammals are semi-aquatic and need to live near water to keep their skin moisturized and their bodies cool.

I have always been a storm.

At this very moment, I identify feelings of sadness, fear, panic, and self-doubt...not much else. What I'd really like to know is, what made me think I could actually pull this off? I honestly don't remember.

It's too dark for me to see properly anymore, so I'm gonna try and get some sleep.

Goodnight.

I'm not sorry, Australia

via Fuck You, Penguin by bza on 9/18/09

Jesus Christ, Australia. What. The. Fuck. I know I've made fun of you for your koala rampages, your lax marsupial drug policies, and your animal-related holidays, but now it's pretty clear you were asking for it all along. You see, this is a brushtailed possum, caught in the act of eating a cookie in the backyard of an Australian residence. This possum sucks, obviously, and believe me there's no way I'm letting him get away with that pink nose and his little possum fingers. But, ummmm, Australia? WHY ARE YOU PUTTING COOKIES IN YOUR BACKYARDS? This is a classic case of Stockholm Syndrome, where Australians are the victims held captive by their kidnappers (mostly kangaroos desperate for another dime bag) and now they have fallen in love with the very animals that mean them harm.

But Possum, really? I don't care if they left out cookies for you. You take them home and eat them on your couch while you watch TV or something. You don't just stand there in the dark eating cookies, Possum. Not only is that fucking weird and a small step above wearing sweat pants to work, it's basically asking for someone to come along and take a picture of you looking surprised, which is exactly how this ended up. So go ahead, eat your cookies. But leave me out of it, Possum, I don't need to see any of what's going on here.

Eastbound Road Trip: Day 1

Ahm le tired.

Props to the growers of Palisade, CO for producing damn fine peaches. Nom. Props to Mom for packing me a bag full of fruit and fresh veggies on which to snack during this road trip. NOM. Props to the motel for having a mini-fridge and microwave so I can have a little bit of fruit and tea before bed. Props to you for reading my meanderings. Props all around; it's Saturday night.

Speaking of NOM, when I was at a service plaza about 30 miles into Kansas after crossing over the Colorado border, the neat block print over the hand dryer read as follows:

I will eat your soul.

NOM NOM NOM

If I were to come across the weirdo who wrote that, I would give her a hearty pat on the back. Maybe a hug. It's not like it's gonna happen anyway, so let's just say I'd consider giving her a million bucks for making me laugh whilst staring at a wall in a public restroom. This actually reminds me of my Stab List, but more positive for sure.

Currently in Junction City; approximately 2/3 of the way across Kansas. Yes, I acknowledge the fact that I may be the worst approximator ever, but I actually referred to a map and that's what it looks like to me, yup yup.

I feel better than I thought I would. I hit the road around 4:30 or 5 MST because1) I didn't sleep much/well last night and felt like lupus this morning 2) it's always hard for me to leave home, regardless of how excited I am to get to Philly, and 3) when I'm flying solo, I prefer to get through Kansas (at least the western part) at night.

I easily drove for about 8.5 hours and felt decent; I could have kept going for maybe a couple more hours, but why push myself? Especially since I purposely gave myself a few extra days to allow for times during which I may not feel well anyway. Since we're on the topic of taking time to care for myself, I'm thinking about getting a great breakfast (ok, brunch because there's no way it will be prior to noon) before hitting the road tomorrow. Eating well in the morning will keep me going more effectively through the day and will hopefully prevent me from stopping for the typical road trip fare: fast food, or something like that.

Methinks the temporary filling on my 3/4 completed root canal borked. Blargh. And the endodontology (sp?) department doesn't really seem to care too much. I've had so many problems with almost all of my medical-related administrative assistance since my flare. You'd think that people who have a career in healthcare support would be more helpful. It's been affecting me greatly in several ways...one being that my paperwork allowing me to get at least some monetary compensation during my medical leave seems to have disappeared. I was about to go all Newtonian on the office assistants' asses and explain that the originals of executed documents can neither be created nor destroyed so they should go-ahead-and-find-the-damn-papers. But I didn't. I'm thinking about going to HUP in person to pick a bone with everyone who hasn't been willing to help me over the past couple of months and hopefully get my way (unless they provide a better answer or something).

Ok, time to fire ze missiles go to sleep. I am suddenly bone-tired. It's a good thing I stopped for the evening. Goodnight.

::EDIT::

Don't judge (or do, I don't care), but what's with Miley Cyrus being [more] legitimately talented lately? My understanding is that she actually writes her own crap too. Cool. I still maintain that she's too young to be acting and dressing like a tart though.

g'night for reals...kthxbai

weeki wachee

I've always been enchanted by this photo:

A fashion photograph taken at Weeki Wachee spring, by Toni Frissell, first published in Harper's Bazaar (December 1947)

Midwinter Northern Lights

...and with this, I am rendered breathless.

Midwinter Northern Lights, Syöte National Park, N. Finland....

via nihil noetia on 9/7/09

Midwinter Northern Lights, Syöte National Park, N. Finland. Photo by Jorma Luhta.

A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner

My day was remarkably unproductive. I'm usually a champion when it comes to making lists and stuff, but I haven't made or even looked at a single list in days. The last list I looked at was the bucket list and I don't think I modified it at all. I should make lists (I meant to today but didn't) because there's all kinds of crap I need to do that requires an internet connection, and by the time I get to a place with internet, I'm scattered and don't do the things I need to do. I look up knitting patterns, go through my Google Reader subscriptions, and listen to music (which doesn't even necessarily require an internet connection), among other things that really are secondary (if that) to the things that need to be done. Argh.

On another note, wouldn't you think that people who work in medical offices and insurance companies would take extra care to be helpful? It's actually the reverse most of the time. Go figure. What a mess.

One good thing I've been doing is going through and organizing all of my stuff so that come Friday night/Saturday, all I have to do is load the pre-packed items into my car and I can hit the road.

I love this dress...I need to find occasion to wear it:

I would make sure it's not wrinkled, of course. And I just removed the tags. Woo.

I saw this on one of the food blogs I read, and I like it:

Ok, I'm gonna take one last stab at being productive and hit up Sam's to pick stuff up for my mom.

fortune and love favor the brave

-Ovid

On Philly, the abyss, libraries, and whimsy ravelry

As much as I bitch about it sometimes, I really like Philadelphia. I guess I could say that I have a love/hate relationship with the city (mostly love!) but even some of the things that used to drive me nuts have developed a sort of endearing quality. For example, often now when I see a ridiculous situation, rather than getting put off, I kinda shake my head, smile a little, and think to myself, "only in Philly..." The city has so much to offer, holds so many memories as as well as the makings of new memories, and being away from it for two months has made me realize how much I miss it. Not to mention certain people there who are very important to me. I'm headed back in a little over a week, and it's just now hitting me as I'm making preparations to go. I'm actually (dare I say it?) excited. Autumn is rapidly approaching. It's my favorite time of year back East. I have big plans to participate in as many fall activities as possible. After the weather gets a little too bitter (cold + humidity = no bueno) to spend as much time outdoors, Thanksgiving will be here. Then comes Christmas. And all of the associated fun. There's much to look forward to.

The library is a safe place for me. At the risk of sounding sacrilegious, to me, libraries hold the same sort of sacred quality that churches do. In fact, public libraries are open and appeal to a much wider audience - people from all walks of life, religion, age, ethnicity, sexual orientation, blah blah blah - everyone is welcome at the library! Patronage is even encouraged, especially given the dismal state of literacy in this country. It's free, uncensored (to an extent - excluding explicit material) in that no particular genre/topic/belief is forced upon the reader but rather he may choose for himself what he wants to experience, and many even offer programs and events for children and adults, ranging from learn to read, to book clubs, all the way up to festivals. Before I got my job, I would go to the library on Mondays and Fridays to play Scrabble with "old folks," and seeing these peoples' lives at times drastically improved by the library never once failed to amaze me. The library provides a priceless service to the community simply by unlocking its doors every morning...who knew a room full of books, a board game and a handful of retirees could give me so much perspective and appreciation?

Right now, just sitting here in the East Branch of the Pikes Peak Library is therapeutic for me. The internet is great, I doubt I could function properly without it now, and any information imagineable is accessible nearly instantly with a few keystrokes (unless you live in the stone ages and still have dial-up...sheesh), but to be completely surrounded by books is straight-up humbling. It gives me a tiny glimpse into the vast amount of knowledge out there I have yet to tap into, or even fathom; there's so much I want to know and learn. Good think I'm young and have lots of time left!

I got the knitting bug again, no doubt inspired by the coming of fall. I'm working on a hat right now...here's what I have so far:

If I had to identify a personal style, I guess I would say that I like simple things with a little bit of interesting detail thrown in. The hat will be a plain green beanie (assuming I get it right) but I am nothing short of absolutely delighted by the little flap and wooden buttons. They serve no function other than to be adorable, and I'm pleased with the result.

Well, the library is closing, so I'll be on my way.

387. If you trip in public, don't blame the sidewalk.

Pick yourself up and pretend nothing happened.

via 1001 rules for my unborn son on 9/1/09

Them Crooked Vultures

October 12. The Electric Factory. We are so there.

For your enjoyment, the most recent instrumental teaser:

Ein Traum verwirklicht

Ja, das habe ich. Und die wunderbaren Traum ist jetzt der seligen Wirklichkeit. Ich bin der glücklichste.

romeo echo sierra tango lima echo sierra sierra

I'm tired. I should and could and would be asleep, if not for the simple fact that there's something about the dark of night that can calm me and make me feel more productive (occasional insomnia issues aside). I liken the feeling to waking up really early on the morning following a heavy snowfall and stepping outside before anyone and anything else have stirred. The thick white blanket muffles all movements and sounds; inspiring the early-riser with the temporary solitude (very temoporary, in the city). During these times, I feel almost as if the world belongs to me, and the hustle and bustle of others' energies aren't interfering with my connection to life's network.

Night, the beloved. Night, when words fade and things come alive. When the destructive analysis of day is done, and all that is truly important becomes whole and sound again. When man reassembles his fragmentary self and grows with the calm of a tree.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Yeah...next time someone asks me why I'm up so late, I'll say I'm networking.

When I set my alarm for 5:10, which is the time I need to wake up for yoga, I was taken back to the days of college rowing. Ahh good times. I especially liked mornings when we could smell the baking at the Tasty Kake factory, watching the sun rise from the middle of the river, and the baby geese were cute and fun too...and just about the only geese I like.

I want to go back to school. I had the chance to be in the program of my choice a couple years ago but didn't; now that I'm actually ready, I'm also a nervous wreck that I won't be accepted again. Granted, the school and application review committee are the same, but the program is different and much more competitive. Not to mention the obscenely long wait list for people who want to go to nursing school in Colorado. I'm applying to another school in Colorado, and happen to be incredibly unmotivated to finish my application - specifically the ridiculous essay portion - due Monday. Urgh. Does Hogwarts have any openings?

There are so many great things in Philly I have yet to experience for one reason or another (but mostly that one reason). I was worried about getting around to all the stuff I want to do, given the fact that this may be my last year in the city, but since I sat down and actually made a Bucket list, I'm not terribly concerned anymore. It's a nice feeling. Ahem, Oktoberfest is coming up, and it's celebrated pretty heavily in parts of the city...just sayin'.

Finally nodding off...

golf oscar oscar delta november india golf hotel tango

The Killshot

H'okay, so.

It's been a really long time since I've had a crush on, and felt the desperate need to own for myself, a particular pair of shoes. Well, the dry (ok, FINE...practical) stretch is over. I bring you the Nike Killshot Vintage:

Goodness gracious. Allow me a moment to collect myself as I'm still reeling from the awesomeness of these kicks, and envisioning myself at a Halloween party (do people still have those after graduating from college?) outclassing everyone as I strut around dressed as a totally boss vintage racquetballer. Keep in mind, I'd wear these often, I just kinda feel like at least once in their lives they should experience the thrill of being part of an outfit reminiscent of their ancestors' glory days of yore. Thus, the Halloween party image, because I doubt there would be any other occasion that would justify my parading around dressed like a racquetball player circa 1974. That said, no need to comment on my silly and vivid imagination...or do so if you feel like it. I already know it's silly and vivid and I embrace it thankyouverymuch.

[Pause]

kthx.

Anyway, the folks at Nike are working on a Vintage collection of footwear, and these are apparently exact replicas of the original Killshot...the premier indoor court shoe (mostly worn for racquetball and squash) of the 1970s. The Killshot Vintage should have been released this summer, or will be shortly, so as soon as I can find these babies I want to try to score a pair.

Off to bed...I have yoga in the morning!

:)

Sometimes, words just aren't necessary...

via nihil noetia on 8/24/09

sing-a-longs and woodies

Chris: name that tune:
i see you in the park
you're always wearin dodger blue

me: hmmm
i wanna say...Cabron???
idk for sure :(

Chris: yesssssssssssss
we have a winnaaa

me: for real?!!?!
yaaaaay

Chris: mad dog n' me and anyone from any other crewww

me: haha
umm
I am small but I am strong I'll get it on with you?
ohh lala
(was i right?)

Chris: if you only knewwww
what else can i dooooooo

me: everyone would take a cue
from anything you do
?
(im floundering here)

Chris: this time of night's for singin songs about the local newsss
...that's pretty much it anyway
minor thing is more fun to sing

me: oh my goodness i totally agree
i love it
it really is up there for me as far as RHCP songs go
and hard to concentrate makes me melt

Chris: you've always had a woody for that one

It's true - a metaphorical woody anyway. "Hard to Concentrate" is awesome...I was just listening to it, thinking about how sweet it is, and recalled this conversation Chris and I had during one of our sing-a-longs.

Makes me melt every time!

Vexation

I have two gripes at this moment. Lately, I'm always hungry (I'm famished right now) and I can't seem to fall asleep at a reasonable time...even when I'm bone tired as I am now (and have been for hours).

What the heck?

On moving onward and upward

For someone who's supposed to be just chillin', I've been pretty busy I guess; more in the sense of bouncing around from place to place. Home was awesome and much-needed, but now I'd say I'm pretty much settled at Resort de Bales, where I've gotten a very warm welcome (Sarah/Sham is sitting beside me and noticed that I'm blogging, and she sends an enthusiastic "HAI" out to my small blogosphere). Upon my arrival, Ian, Sarah, Niya, and Odin were sitting on the front stoop waiting for me, "lei-ed" me with green mardi gras beads, and showed me to my room:

I feel so relaxed and at home already. I think I'm starting to heal.

I started my Bikram yoga regimen yesterday, and it kicked my ass. As usual, I felt awesome afterwards though. One thing that was interesting is that my instructor is a guy from high school, who grew up a few streets down from me! It was really cool to chat with him for a bit before and after class, and from an all-business perspective, he is one of the best instructors I've had. That says a lot considering that over the past four years I've had many instructors, and he's relatively new at it. Actually, he's teaching the class I'm attending today, so it will be nice to have my first two classes with the same teacher because I expect to struggle a bit today from soreness and exposure to the studio environment (105F, 40% humidity) for two consecutive days. Nonetheless, I know I will benefit from the class even if I have to sit out of some poses, which is one thing I like about yoga compared to the more competitive team sports I've done: it doesn't matter how flexible, coordinated, or in shape you are...if you respect your body's limitations and just do what you can do, a person who can't touch his toes will get the same benefits as someone who can do the same pose but put his forehead to the floor. Same goes for if you can do some poses one day, but can't seem to pull it together for those same poses the next (which will probably be my experience today because my legs and shoulders are mad sore) - it's totally ok! Doesn't get much better than that. Yoga is the only place I can think of where I don't get mad at myself for not performing consistently, which is another reason I like it so much...I'm gentle with myself.

Speaking of encountering people from the past, I firmly believe that most people we meet come into our lives for a reason. I recently had a friendship that blazed into existence where we had constant correspondence...and almost just as quickly fizzled out. Which is a good thing. We engaged in positive and negative conversation, the result of which caused me be more introspective and learn about myself, but I'm convinced that our connection had a set course, and the fuse came to an end after a couple months. I benefited in that I got to know myself better and was exposed to a mindset and lifestyle drastically different from my own, so while there were some jarring bumps, I prefer to embrace the good and educational things, discard the bad, and move on without looking back. Usually severing ties is difficult for me and I don't have much experience with it, but this has been surprisingly easy for me. Probably because I realize how intense, and therefore stressful, the relationship was, and I felt a weight lift from me when it was terminated.

Google Reader is what I use to keep track of all the blogs I follow, and one of them is called "Amazing Spaces," and this Caravanserai in Central Turkey was featured:

I was struck because...I've been there! I have vivid memories of many of my childhood experiences, and I distinctly remember running along that ledge when I was about 5. I lived abroad until I was 7ish, and I'm so grateful that my folks took the time and effort to take me around so I could see amazing things and fully optimize my experience.

On another, unrelated note, I would just like to say that for the first time since I can remember, my heart and spirit are happy. I'm stoked for what's to come.

TWC Alerts for Philadelphia

I'm not gonna beat around the bush here: I am stoked to not be in Philadelphia today.  Refer to the text message below, which I received earlier today (the time stamp is lying).

------ SMS Text ------
From: 42278
Sent: Aug 9, 2009 3:59 PM
Subject: TWC Alerts

TWC Alerts
A Excessive Heat Warning has been issued for Philadelphia PA.
More at http://weather.com

Somewhere in Middle America

H'okay, so. I'm sitting in the Omaha airport hoping to get on the
flight to Denver leaving in 30 minutes. If not, I have to hold out for
the 5:xx flight and pray like mad there's room for me. Flying nonrev
is so great and I enjoy traveling and seeing new places so I generally
don't mind getting bounced around. It would be much more fun this
time, however, if I weren't running on...let's see...exactly 0 hours
of sleep from last night. Why do I do this to myself, you ask? I have
no idea.

Got a shotgun root canal yesterday that lasted almost 4 hours overall.
What a mess, but it's a good thing I was in Philly and saw my dentist
or else I would have had a nasty abcess, lost another molar to lupus,
and insurance would have been a problem. More work needs to be done
next time I come back, but the vast majority of the issue has been
resolved. Too bad the nerves in my roots are shaped like fish hooks
rather than straight up and down and one of the four roots is hiding
so has yet to be found and cleaned (cheeky little bugger) but it is
what it is.

I am tired. I really hope I get on this flight. I'm in line about to
find out now and if not ill probably post again to pass the time.

AAAAH I made it. Last seat. Until Colorado, my darling handful of
faithful Sherri followers!

--
Sent from my mobile device

She generally gave herself very good advice, though she very seldom followed it.

Lewis Carroll was a bona fide wordsmith and I like Alice's spunk.

I'm so behind. On everything.

Things have been crazy since getting out of the hospital. Turns out the SLE is really doing a number on my poor pericardium, so I'm home in Colorado for a couple months to try and heal. Actually, it was perfect timing too; my living situation was incredibly stressful and work got really shitty as the economic crisis finally hit my company and extreme pay cuts were made the very week I left. It's also nice to be out of the east coast climate during this time of the year when it's so hot and muggy...there's no way I would have been able to heal in Philly under those circumstances.

Yesterday, one of the bright spots of my family's existence was extinguished in a matter of three minutes. Jasmin was an amazing dog; a real spirit guide. My heart is broken for my sister and the gravity of this loss, but Jasmin had the best life she possibly could have had. It was long, during which time she touched a lot of people; I feel so blessed to have her as part of my family. This little blurb is by no means a worthy tribute - no blurb could be - but Jasmin is on my mind so I want to at least give her awesome existence a shout out.

I'm tired.

Sometimes I have a hard time communicating with my mom on a really basic level. I'm not sure what it is, or if I'm doing something wrong. We tried to have a conversation about this fantastic shrimp/noodle/goodness stir fry stuff she made for dinner, and it went like this:

Mom: So how was the pad thai?

Me: Oh my gosh it was awesome. Such a great meal...thank you.

Mom: No really, how was it?

Me: ...well, I mean, I really loved it. It hit the spot and all the flavors cooked together perfectly.

Mom: No really, I'm not fishing for compliments. How was it?

Me: Okay, it was terrible actually.

Mom: Oh come on! What I mean is, was it like authentic pad thai?

Me: I don't know. I haven't really had much authentic pad thai...all I know is that this is really really good.

Mom: Oh ok. But it's good pad thai?

Me: ...yes it is. I really liked it.

Mom: Really? So it's like real pad thai? [Long silence] Um, okay good. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

It's taken me all day - literally - to write this entry. Since getting out of the hospital, I just can't sit and focus on any one thing for longer than maybe 15 minutes at a time. I'm going to bed.

Otis

Disapproval in the front,
party in the back.

Global Warming (Conundrum)

1.Way to pwn yourself, Humanity!
2.Way to have natural hot & cold cycles, Earth!

By: Anonymous

...via 140pedia - Everything you need to know in 140 characters or less. by MildlyAmused on 6/30/09

I am certainly blessed

Think where man's glory most begins and ends, And say my glory was I
had such friends.

William Butler Yeats

!

I was so excited to see this Sunday Secret...

...because it's what I do every single time I notice a penny heads down!

Red Sun

This song puts a fleeting, yet vivid image in my mind:

Setting: an open road stretching as far as the eye can see through the great plains at dusk, rolled-down windows, and a tremendous thunderstorm illuminating the cloud cover far off in the distance. A man with sad eyes turns to smile at the woman next to him in the front seat as she raises her face toward the sky through the open window, inviting the wind to whip through her hair. The stars gently wink at them from the gradually deepening night and they are wholly happy just to sit beside one another.



Very simple; very powerful.

phobia

Conal and Travis just removed a freaking brown recluse from the office
two down from mine using a metal toolbox and a broom whilst wearing
gloves from the shop. Then, knowing full well that I'm seriously
arachnophobic, proceeded to come into my office, stand in front of the
door, and described it in detail even when I told them to stop.
They're such assholes, but at least they didn't bring it in here to
show me like they had considered doing. THEN they told me that Nora
just spotted another one in the ladies' room. Now I can't pee here
either.

Shit. I needed to get this off my chest...but I am bolting out of
here the moment I click "send" and I may or may not set this
God-forsaken spider-infested building ablaze on my way out. Peace
out.

My otter half.

Ok...this just made my head explode:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

I am going to send an email to "Fuck You, Penguin" to nominate this dangerous cuteness for an entry. It's very disruptive to my work as it's hard to be really productive when I have the warm fuzzies.

A case of the Mondays...on a Tuesday. With lemon zest.

Yesterday caught up with me. I'm so cashed...not to mention that it seemed like everyone at work was having a bad day today and thoroughly unpleasant.

Another Joe and Sherri blogworthy conversation...but in English, rather than the standard LOLspeak, for maybe the first time ever:

Joseph: oh my. i just got a friend request on facebook from my ex

me: whoa...the one who you were with for a really long time

Joseph: yeah

me: :-/ how do you feel about that

Joseph: i dunno...strange. it came with a message "wanna be my friend?"

i should reply back "meh, i'd rather not" would that be real mean?

me: was she harsh when she broke up with you

Joseph: nah

me: maybe you could just write back something like "thanks but im not comfortable with that, take care"

...but I guess "meh" works too

Joseph: lol i love meh

me: haha. meh. im not comfortable with that.

Joseph: but then i think about it and anthony is friends with an ex of his

oh these social networking sites

i wonder if when searching me she saw my fan club page

me: thats why id be inclined to say no...im picky about friends now that social networking sites have gotten creepy

i dont want someone all up in my biznisss who I don't want to be there

Joseph: true. thats like the first communication i've had with her since like...2007?

me: wow

Joseph: i think i'd rather not friend her. for the sake of avoiding drama

me: good call

are you going to write back

Joseph: all i need is Tom seeing it in the feed and not that he would say anything but if someone told Lauren that i was friends with my ex-gf who is married on fb

not that i think she would get upset about anything but better safe then sorry

me: right...dont wanna rock the boat

Joseph: how does a "i appreciate the gesture but i have to politely decline" sound?

me: thats very polite

Joseph: ...followed by a meh

me: kfsdflsd

i laughed...really loud

Joseph: lol

Joe 1 Sherri 0

me: booo

Joseph: how does this sound? "i appreciate the gesture but i have to politely decline. also not capitalize anything."

"congrats on the new last name"

me: your new last name is very fitting and have a nice life...meh

Joseph: lol, i had to hold in my lol

me: joe: 1 sherri: 0.5 ?

Joseph: i'll allow it okay i sent a reply

me: what was it

Joseph: i went with the "i appreciate the gesture but i have to politely decline. also not capitalize anything"

me: "also not capitalize anything?"

you actually added that for real?

Joseph: haha yes

me: that's awesome

Joseph: i call those the lemon zest of joe humor

sprinkled in for taste

the deadpan ending

Yeahhh that last three lines pretty much made the whole conversation. Maybe my amusement can be partially attributed to having a case of the sleepyhahas. Anyway, I can't function so I'm leaving...I might post later after a powernap. I actually have bloggable stuff to share for the first time in a few days.

I'm enamored by a completely wonderful and silly love song.

"And if I was a tree growing tall and green / All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves"