Tumblr

Hey Friends!

If you're wondering about my lack of posts, it's because I've moved to a new space! Or rather, I've established a new place where I happen to spend more of my intarwebz time these days.

Tumblr is a bit more Sherri-friendly for my intended purposes lately, as it's infinitely easier to share different types of media, as well as post blog entries. I've also been welcomed by a network of knitters, so we support each other in crafting and do KALs (knit-a-longs) and things like that. Just easier...you smellin' what I'm cookin'?

I'm going to keep this blog and maybe post occasionally because I really do enjoy blogspot, I LOVE my theme/layout on here, and I like how blogger links to google; it's just that for now, tumblr is the place for me!

Shoot me an email if you'd like to see what I'm up to over there.

I wish you safe, healthy, and happy holidays!

Love,
Sherri

Best Interests

It would probably be in my best interest to own this:

...I'm just sayin'

I never thought of it before

This...is actually a really good point...

Help

tragic flaw

n.

A flaw in the character of the protagonist of a tragedy that brings the protagonist to ruin or sorrow.

My own personal tragic flaw may be my inability, refusal, or resistance (whatever...take your pick), to ask for help. I always feel like I'm inconveniencing someone...and that's no one's fault but my own. All of my loved ones are sure to remind me until they're blue in the face, that they want to be there for me.

What I'm trying to say is, I needed help, and I should have asked for it.

My heart is breaking as I type this. I didn't tell my mom until yesterday that I had been sick, let alone go into the humbling details of my affliction that will no doubt stick with me for a long time. I don't even know why I didn't tell her; looking back, I think I was afraid of getting a lecture. Not that I wouldn't have deserved one - because I did - my best guess is just that I just didn't feel like risking getting one. In my vulnerability due to physical pain and overall fatigue, I cringed at the thought of my mom openly expressing disapproval about the way I failed to take care of myself. But my fears, aside from being unfounded, were silly. Because really...what was the use? My body was punishing me enough to make any critical words that hailed down on me carry nothing more than the weight of feathers.

Well, that was horribly unfair of me. I told my mom everything after the worst of it was over, and she expressed nothing but concern and tenderness...after her initial reaction of: "If you ever need or want me, I will be on the next flight out to you."

That's what she says to us when things get really tough, and when she says that, she's 100% serious. My mother will do anything for her kids.

I believe her; she's caught a same-day flight to come to me before. There aren't many things I do (or don't do) that I really regret, but not calling her immediately to ask for her to come care for me, in that way only a mother can, is one of them. And based on the way I feel right now, I am going to experience the sting of this one for a long time.

Oh, with what did I respond, you ask? After some hesitation, during which I was lying to myself before I could utter the words aloud, I said: "Oh, no Mom...it's okay, really. I'm fine! Besides, by the time you get here I'm sure I will be completely better. Plus, my apartment is small and I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable and/or spend money on a hotel room."

...let me give you a moment to process this...

...

...

Yep. You got it...I literally risked my life by allowing a severe infection to settle into my kidneys and bladder, suffered the most difficult week (emotionally and physically) that I can remember ever having, and I told my more-than-willing, ever-loving mother not to fly out here because I was worried she might not like my fucking couch?

Why do I do this to myself? And to my loved ones? Because when I allow myself to get steamrolled because I'm too proud or thick or stubborn (or all three), it affects the people who love me too. And that's not cool.

I'm floundering. I need help, but I don't even know where to start, or who to ask, or what to do to improve myself.

...help? Please...before my downfall.

a leaf falls on loneliness

The word I would use to describe my experience since moving to Pittsburgh is this: rollercoaster.

I like being by myself, in my own company, and rather enjoyed the first monthish of solitude, but now...I'm lonely.

l(a 
le 
af 
fa 
ll 
s) 
one 
l 
iness 

--e.e.cummings 

More later. I'm tired. 

GPOYW on Thursday

Sunbeem. We haz wan.

never forget

...it's true.

The heart is the strongest muscle in the body.

Use it.

Hmm...where to begin?

I have here in front of me my favorite mug, full of  perfectly steeped tea:

I just completed my first week of school as a graduate student, during which time I made a friend (Liz), became an independent frequenter of the Pittsburgh Port Authority (thanks to the many nice strangers who patiently answered my silly questions and helped me along the way) whose services I get to use for free when I flash my magical student ID card, and found my new LYS, Knit One, which is generally overwhelming: welcoming, full of nice people, and so well-stocked that I was almost brought to tears when I walked in the door.

My Berly surprised me last weekend. I was sitting in my apartment last Friday night being depressed and lonely after having next to no human interaction for two weeks and was nervous about school starting; Berly was sending me throughout the day seemingly casual gchats wondering what I was up to (which made me feel worse because I had no plans/friends) when finally 8pm rolled around, and I get the last one: "wut're yew dewing?!" I replied something emo and spoiled like "nothing. sitting here being depressed and lonely," when I saw a short blonde figure dart past my window (that was so freaky, especially living alone and on the ground floor) followed immediately by a knock on my back door. I ran to the door, saw her smiling face through the window, and burst into tears before my hand even reached the doorknob. She had had this whole thing planned for a whole month...ever since Paul found out his team would be playing a hockey tournament in Pittsburgh that weekend, kept the whole adventure a secret, and left work early to drive straight to me. We spent the whole weekend together, doing all kinds of things, but mostly eating good food (her "Momberly" side kicked in and was convinced I don't eat well/enough when she's not around), hockey stuff, and lounging around reading/knitting/napping/drinking tea together. Just like when we were together every day.

Her surprise visit changed everything. It gave me the positive energy to start my big adventure on the right foot.

She's the best. Seriously.

I'm all moved and pretty much settled into my new apartment. I love it. It's very homey. And now that I finally have internet, I have fewer (valid) excuses to go on blogging hiatuses...hiati?

So, about my program. I am working towards a MS in Health Information Systems Management and Administration (HIS for short, or HIS-RHIA to be brief and specific). I doubt you care, but I am going to tell you what classes I'm taking anyway because I love all of them and it excites me:

• Medical Terminology (okay, maybe not so exciting...but mandatory and useful)
• Intro to Health Information and the Health Care System
• Intro to Biomedical Informatics
• Telemedicine, Telerehab, and eHealth
• Issues in the Health System

All but two of them have reputations for being really hard, but I have never been so up for a challenge like I am for this one. I'm serious. I got myself here by working hard and being persistent, and I'm going to make it through with flying colors.

Thankfully, I only have school three days per week. At first, I honestly thought I had it pretty easy only having school three days, even though the coursework is going to be rigorous. Well, here I am on Thursday and I am bone tired, with the full realization that there is nothing "easy" about having Thursday and Friday away from campus...it just makes me fortunate, especially since I am at school for roughly 12 hours on Monday and Wednesday. I will definitely need those days, and have already put today to good use. The average full-time student in this program takes 9 credit hours per semester; I will be attempting 13. And I will successfully pass them all. Because I rock.

I'm in the right place at the right time. Finally.

Oh yeah, and here's my GPOYW...a day late, suckas:

First day of school

Well, Folks. This, towards which I have been working for a very long time, is finally upon us; my first day of graduate school is tomorrow.

This first day of school feels just like any of the others I've experienced over the course of the past 20 years. Hopefully this one follows suit in that not only will I survive, but I will also have fun and meet nice new people.

Dad: "Well, kid...happy first day. Go forth and conquer. You're gonna be great"
Over the phone I could hear him smiling and his eyes twinkling.

Loudest. Sunday. Secret. Ever.

I wish I could meet the owner of this secret to give her an epic high five and a big warm hug...

...but I doubt I ever will, so...

Hey! ME TOO! I reclaimed my life almost exactly four years ago, and have since done my very best to live it in the most conscientious, compassionate, mindful, purposeful, and best way I possibly can. I choose happiness and balance and to allow myself to grow and learn more every single day. Because I can. And that's an amazing feeling.

Thank you for sharing your secret.

First-ever GPOYW...a couple days late

Kayyy so. Here's another (not so woefully) overdue post. On Wednesday night I was fiddling with my new netbook, and as I was checking out the webcam, I accidentally snapped a photo of myself:

Not too shabby...considering my total obliviousness and fatigue. I found it in the My Pictures folder just now; so even though I'm posting it at least 48 hours late, I think that given the fact that I'm a brand new GPOYWer and that this was actually taken on a Wednesday, it should be counted. There's a grace period on most deadlines, right?

That's my story/GPOYW and I'm sticking to it...so there.

G'night!

sherri got into grad school!

I love this girl.

sherri got into grad school!

via folktastic | folktastic on 7/12/10

Sherri: i hope the other kids like me
me: look, i guarantee you they'll like you more than mel gibson

Introductions are in order...

Is it possible to fiercely love and utterly adore someone you've never met?

Until yesterday, I would have thought not...but I stand corrected. And humbled. And blessed. And I am over the moon for my brother and his lovely wife.

Nicholas Alvan Long
Born 15 June 2010 at 0122 EDT
8 lbs 3.5 oz, 21 inches

I know that from his vantage point, Gramps is beside himself with pride and joy. Congratulations, Brother and family! Welcome to the world and this doting, most incredibly loving clan, Huey!

On Beauty and Appreciation

THE SITUATION - In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About 4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

At 6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

At 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.

At 45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while.
About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

• In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
• If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
• Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made …
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?





click here to see the footage

She gave me something cool to drink, and that was it for me.

First order of business: listen to this song from Murder by Death's new album, "Good Morning, Magpie."



It was always you.

Summer Mushfest 2010

Participants:
-------------
Sherri
Christine

Messages:
---------
Christine: <3
Me: <3
Christine: Dear Sherri, You are spectacular. Please tell everyone. Love, Christine
Me: Eeeeeee
Me: I can't wait to see youuuuuuuuuuuu. I believe my exact words to jill were "Yeah I'm going back to Christine on Saturday"
Me: Lol
Me: Not back to Philly. Back to Christine
Christine: hahaha awwwwwwwwwwww
Me: Dear Christine, It takes one to know one. You are the cheese to my macaroni. Love, Sherri
Christine: Dear Sherri, You're a cool drink on a hot summer day. Love, Christine
Me: Dear Christine, You're like the other side of the pillow on a June night in Philly. Love, Sherri.
Me: Hehehehehehe
Christine: Dear Sherri, puppies and kitties ask their mommies to be yours. Love, Christine
Me: Squeeeee!
Me: I'm smiling so hard it hurts
Me: My lip is twitching
Christine: hahaha
Christine: EEEEEEEE

Five Senses on Memorial Day

It's Memorial Day. What a wonderful way to kick off the summer. I had the pleasure of spending the majority of the day with retired officers with whom my dad served at one point or another and are now dear family friends. He went to Westpoint with one, and another has known me since I was a wee Sherri of four! It was humbling and awesome listening to their war stories, anecdotes, observations, etc. I generally tried to absorb everything I saw and heard today. The food was amazing (thanks Mom!), the company was amazing, the weather was amazing...I will consider this Memorial Day to be a great success; how better to celebrate such an important holiday for our great nation than with the very people it is commemorating?!

I'm finally home. I love home. I love Colorado.

My five senses went unposted on Friday because I was busy dealing with a gravelly, infected kidney. Actually, I was busy basically being a jerk and resisting dealing with the cranky. loudly complaining bean-shaped organ, while my loved ones were busy persuading (okay, forcing) me to do the right thing and go to the ER. I went to the ER, and sure enough, the issue required and received attention. It still hurts, but I'm doing the things I need to do and am on the mend, so it will clear up in due course. In the future, I won't wait so long or be so boneheaded, not just for my own sake, but I really can't stand it when it has a detrimental effect on the people I love.  As my mom pointed out, there was a lesson learned in this mess, and I feel so blessed to have peeps who love me enough to get tough on me when necessary.

Okay so here's the skinny on senses this fine Monday night:

Seeing: My lovely Mobley perched atop my knee; preening.

Tasting: Water from the tap in my kitchen. Colorado Springs tap water is tastier than any bottled water I've ever consumed. Yum.

Hearing: My dad is reading Steinbeck's Travels with Charley aloud to my mom and me. Sound cozy and fantastic? It is.

Smelling: Pines and clean air (yes it has a smell...especially after coming here from hot and humid Filthydelphia). Mmmmm.

Feeling: A pervading throbbing, burning pain originating in my lower back on the right side. That would be my kidney piping up. Here's my response in an open letter: Dear Kidney Pain, Please go away soon. I would really appreciate it. Cordially, Sherri.

My thoughts aren't terribly focused right now. Oh great...Mobes (she's potty trained, by the way) just pooped on the floor of my dad's office, chuckled, and said in her flirtiest voice: "Hhhhhi. Pooooop." How rude...I'm out.

It's Memorial Day. I encourage you to thank the veterans you know for their service! Happy Summer!

ORLY?!

Why, yes!

I would be thrilled to join you for a nightcap on this wonderful terrace illuminated by tealight chandeliers surrounded by thick flowering vines with the night sky as the roof over our heads. Mismatched chairs are charming, the baked goods smell delectable, and I like your tablecloth.

And I like you..!

Thanks for having me. Let's sit and talk and rest awhile.

Five Senses Friday and some happymaking tangents

Seeing:
The massive pile of papers on my desk slowly but surely dwindling. And there was much rejoicing. Yay.

Tasting:
Not much (refer to my "Smelling" section), but my Super Irish Breakfast Black Tea (with milk and sugar!) is strong enough to taste and enjoy...loves it!

Hearing:
"Seeing Other People" by Belle and Sebastian.

By the way, I just awarded myself some cool points. Grooveshark messed up the code to embed the widget...and I fixed it. The mistakes weren't even that obvious...squee! Interestingly, I just discussed HTML with TJ last night and how, even though it's not difficult, I felt totally kickass anyway when I excelled in my after-school HTML class in 6th grade. Okay, um...now you may politely applaud me and pretend to be impressed. Ready, go.

Smelling:
Nothing at all, which is disconcerting for me given my keen sense of smell. My nasal cavities and mucus membranes are pissed and straight-up revolting following a week full of tears, anxiety, and pain. Wow, that sounded really emo...but srsly. I don't cry very often, but man, I was a soggy mess this week and probably met my sob quota for the year. So now, I'm congested and my upper respiratory system is raw and inflamed. Meck, meck, meck. Things are turning around though, and I'm happy with the direction in which they're going!

Feeling:
My hand wrapped around my recycled glass mug; its balance and weight are perfect, the handle comfortably accommodates three fingers, and there's a slight sea green tint to it. True to my affinity for minimalism with a splash of interesting detail, there is a raised round seal on the side of the otherwise simple glass that reads "Authentic Recycled Glass." So cool.

In other news, I'm interested in something I read about today called "Kindness Revolution." Basically, the premise is to anonymously spread small, gentle reminders that kindness works best when paid forward. A little card is left at the scene of a random act of kindness (you can either observe or perform the act), that reads something like "Do something kind and leave this card behind - keep the ripple going!" Some company in Australia is distributing decks of these cards for free...obviously since I'm not Down Under, I was thinking about making some. Some folks may think it's silly, but I know for a fact that if I came upon a Kindness Revolution card unexpectedly, left in a public place by some anonymous do-gooder, I would be thrilled and most importantly - inspired.

Lastly, I found this on one of my favorite photoblogs, awesomespaces:

I'm almost certain that this house's gorgeous, unruly adornments are lilacs. Some of my earliest, happiest childhood memories have lilacs in the periphery, which to this day are sometimes triggered by the intoxicating scent of the blooms. I would be so happy to have some growing in my yard when I have a home of my own...that would just be tops. Even though my parents don't read my inclinations (thanks for keeping my secret despite Mom's best efforts, mah deer lufflee seestrkitteh Ada <3 ), I'd like to give them a shout out and a thank you for giving me such a brilliant childhood. I often reflect on how incredibly lucky I have been throughout my life.

Okaaay...break's over. Back to work.

What's uncomplicated?

H'okay so. Sloths are awesome:


Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.

I'm tired. I'm going to sleep.

I'm ready for an adventure...

Five Senses Friday, and then some

This will be a photo-heavy one, folks.

Early this morning, one of my old college rowing teammates sent me a gorgeous photo from about 5 years ago that I didn't even know existed:

I'm pretty much front and center.

It takes my breath away. I remember that morning really clearly; it was the first morning of spring training in Deland, Florida. The winter that year had been insanely cold; most mornings, no one spoke. We were all rendered speechless due to clenched teeth, steeling ourselves against the painful cold as we pushed off from the dock at 5:45am sharp in 15 degree weather. After practice, we would stand around in the boathouse in front of space heaters, breaking ice off of our clothes. If the ice wasn't broken off quickly enough, it would melt and we'd be left with wet clothes. That said, the first week of March as spring break began, we boarded a tour bus and left Philadelphia a dingy mess of sleet, bearing the weight of a terrible case of the midwinter blues. After driving through the afternoon, evening, and night, we arrived in Florida just before sunrise. The morning was balmy and our spirits were lifted almost immediately, especially after we got to the middle of the lake and found ourselves cloaked in this amazing mist with sunlight filtering through it. It definitely was a great kickoff to the spring season, and being surrounded by beauty made the physical pain of the sport more bearable (not that it wasn't worth it anyway, of course).

Wow, looks like this will be a long post too.

My brother and his lovely bride were married exactly one year ago. Happy Anniversary, Brother. I can tell you're a phenomenal husband and will be an incredible dad. My family rocks.

Here we go...it's Five Senses Friday.

Seeing:

I love love love how they bend towards the light. It's as if they're excited to be growing!

Tasting:


Somehow the proportions of cream and sugar in my coffee this morning came out perfect; I'm really enjoying it.


Hearing:


"Spectacular Views" by Rilo Kiley:
We can see the stars
From where the birds make their homes
Staring back at us.
Indifferent
But distanced perfectly
Projected endlessly
It's so fucking beautiful


Smelling:


My delightful Black Amber candle. It's almost burned out - I need to pick up another one.


Feeling:

Can you feel a memory? I miss my family and just want to hug them...we're all huggers and give probably the best bear hugs in the world. I look forward to it happening again soon, but until then will just be content to wrap myself in the memory.

A snapshot of the fun in having a cat named "Shit"

------ SMS Text ------

From: Berly

To: Me
Sent: May 14, 2010 6:56 AM

U up?

------ SMS Text ------
From: Me

To: Berly
Sent: May 14, 2010 7:05 AM

Hi

------ SMS Text ------

From: Berly

To: Me

Sent: May 14, 2010 7:08 AM

Hi

------ SMS Text ------

From: Me

To: Berly

Sent: May 14, 2010 7:08 AM

Shit is all up in my grill. Forced me back to sleep with his zen kitteh powrz. Awake now tho.

------ SMS Text ------

From: Berly

To: Me

Sent: May 14, 2010 7:11 AM

Hiw soonru showering?

------ SMS Text ------

From: Me

To: Berly

Sent: May 14, 2010 7:12 AM

Now

------ SMS Text ------

From: Berly

To: Me

Sent: May 14, 2010 7:12 AM

Shits up in ur grill. Lol.

And now...we wait.

At 10:08:00 AM EST, I submitted my completed application for graduate school. Now comes the hardest part: waiting for a response. Please hold a good thought!

I really like a song called "Kids" by MGMT, but I may like this cover even better than the original - I certainly like it better than any of the other covers I've heard:



I don't care for the woman's voice all that much, but it doesn't take away from the overall greatness. Such great quality and sound for a live performance, too!

Whew. Lately, my application has been on my mind all the time and quite frankly, has been somewhat of a source of stress; not just the application, but also the anxiety about whether I will be accepted, the prospect of going into debt, moving (albeit a short distance away) by myself, getting back into student-mode, health insurance and doctors (i.e. would I keep my doctors in Philly or start all over in establishing relationships with new ones in Pittsburgh?), etc. I've been preoccupied, which usually translates to: fairly anti-social, absent-minded, and...wait, what?

I would like to take a nap in here:

I need it!

FW:

This is how Berly and I communicate at work. You know, just like all educated professionals do.

---

From: Berly
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 3:24 PM
To: Sherri
Subject: RE:

---

From: Sherri
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 3:23 PM
To: Berly
Subject: RE:

Akjsdfkajsdfkanvajdf

(!)

---

From: Berly
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 3:22 PM
To: Sherri
Subject:

Berly

Associate General Counsel
_________ Industries
Address of my Workplace
Some Borough in the Philthy Norf-East, PA 19XXX
Rest of signature goes here. Blah blah blah.

Disclaimer: The information contained in this communication is confidential (obviously). It is intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed.  Any disclosure, copying, distribution, is strictly prohibited without the express written consent of ______ Industries. If you receive this email in error please don't bother calling our main office because our receptionist is supremely unhelpful. Oh, and please consider the environment before you print this email (we like to put this to make it look like we are conscientious and part of the "going green" fad that's all the rage these days). Thank you.

too busy

A lot has been going on and I've been really busy and had a lot to do. I'm overwhelmed and have been flying under the radar as a result, trying to get my stuff done while attempting to keep my stress level controlled.

Some big changes may be afoot, and there are a lot of unknowns right now.

One thing I do know for sure though, is that this delights me:

I suppose I could settle for this too, especially if it involves my sister, tea, and a body of water within earshot (preferably one that is prone to babbling):

That's all for now.

Oh wait - one more thing: I don't believe in anti-aging products. I think they're silly, expensive, and they don't work anyway. Just own it and age with pride and grace, Lady! Maturity is beautiful...smile crinkles around the eyes and laugh lines just mean you've had a lot to be joyful about, right? Meh, maybe I will feel differently in a couple decades, but I do think it's lovely and admirable when ladies celebrate whatever phase of their lives they're in.

First hockey practice of spring season is tonight. I have to finish my practice plan, along with 2394203948 things to do.

Ok now that's all for real.

kthxbai.

Choose "happy"

Today, this quote from Pushing Daisies really got to me:

"I think it's brave to be happy. You've gotten so comfortable being unhappy. Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up in the morning and choose to be happy?"

The thought that I might someday see remarkably, hauntingly beautiful persimmons (of all things) never occurred to me:

Feast your senses on that.

In tune

I woke up this morning just before 9:30 under perfect conditions. The light coming in through the skylight was really pale - cheerful yet unoppressive thanks to the cloud-cover, the temperature in my room is cool, and the house was quiet. To boot, I had a gently snoring cat in a tuxedo (such a gentleman!) curled up against my legs. Let me tell you, aside from the fact that in everyday life I'd rather be slightly cold than overheated, I will consciously savor these chilly mornings because I know that as summer approaches they will be very few and far between.

My Senses this Sunday:

Seeing: 
Signs of spring everywhere.

Hearing:
The melodious tones of Kate Nash...however, I could do without all the expletives. A well-placed expletive is really effective, but she really overdoes it to the point where it can distract from her otherwise great songwriting.

This is the song I'm hearing right now:


Tasting:
Banana! I always eat them before I work out...today the (still sore) memory of the charley horse in my calf won't let me forget.

Smelling:
Laundry fresh out of the dryer.

Feeling:
The muscles in my legs are waking up after a nice long walk at Valley Green yesterday.

Long ago, someone built this wall expressly for moongazing:

:)

I'd like to go to Oregon.

That's all for now...I'm off to the gym.

If you want to fall asleep, be very still...

I've been getting into the band Spoon lately, and their song "Goodnight Laura" is the current preferred lullaby for this quarter-century-old lady...it's simple, poignant, short, and very sweet.

...heck, who am I kidding? This song isn't just the perfect lullaby...I listened to it all day! Over and over. And over. Here it is, with lyrics below, for your enjoyment:



"Goodnight Laura"
by Spoon

Goodnight Laura
Don't you know, your bed awaits and now it's time for sleeping?
Goodnight Laura, close your eyes
Your worries are meant to stop for now;
You know they're not for keeping.

If you want to fall asleep, be very still..
And you close your eyes and slow yourself and let your worry leave you
And let go of it all just for this evening...

Alright?
Alright.

You can fall asleep by being very still.
And let your breath slow down,
And when you think your thoughts be sure that they are sweet ones.

Don't you know, love, you're alright?
You're alright.

...okay, it's bedtime. I've dismissed my worries and am thinking sweet thoughts...I'm alright.

Goodnight.

Nowruz mubarak!

Happy [Persian] New Year! Happy Spring, as of the vernal equinox at 1:32pm EST, March 20, 2010!

Well, here I am at the conclusion of a wonderful first weekend of spring. Ever. Great company (though I miss my family), unseasonably awesome weather, fun activities, and [it seems like] I am starting to feel better.

It's going to start raining (and thundering! wheee!) tomorrow, but I can't think of a better way to memorialize a perfect first weekend of spring, and celebrate the good weather to come! Not to mention all the things that will grow as a result of a good soak...

I'm homesick. Severely. I think I'll try for a trip to Colorado in late April.

Instant Smile, coming right up

...just add water.

Within the space of a femtosecond, this filled me with joy:

North

Load the car and write the note.
Grab your bag and grab your coat.
Tell the ones that need to know:
We are headed north.

I just wanted to link this photo from awesomespaces to something else...so I picked an Avett Brothers song that had the word "north" in it. And you know that whole thing about moss growing on the north side of trees. Yeah. Me so clever.

Now that I'm thinking of The Avett Brothers, I've got "Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise" on my mind. It's one of those songs that's really spoken to me and uplifted me, especially over the last year or so. Please listen, and I hope you enjoy:

One Cell in the Sea

After a bangin' sushi dinner last night, I got a great fortune.

"A house without books is like a room without windows."

I think I would enjoy having some personal space like this (with bookshelves, of course!):

...love love love the window.

Sometimes, I take a moment to daydream about little quirky things I would like to treat myself to when I'm older, more established, and have my own house...basically someday when it could at least be somewhat feasible to have minor customizations in the home I make for myself. It's fun to have these little dreams because I know that if they ever came true, I would take delight in them, but they're so inconsequential that it wouldn't be a big deal to me if I never got them. None of the things are particularly major, just things like window seats and interesting bookcase arrangements; I've always found round windows to be charming, and I think these in particular would suit me well:

The new girl who works in the office across from mine just found a voodoo doll of the COO. Complete with pins and a little nametag, just so that there's no question as to the Cursed. Good times. 

It's been on my mind a lot lately, and I really like this passage by Lewis Carroll:

"How am I to get in?" asked Alice again, in a louder tone.

"Are you to get in at all?" said the Footman, "That is the first question, you know."

I've been listening to A Fine Frenzy for the majority of the workday (the title of this entry is the title of her first album, to which I am listening as I type this RIGHT MEOW), and I enjoy her music immensely. I highly recommend her if you enjoy female alternative singer/songwriter/pianists. She is so amazingly talented.

My echocardiogram is tomorrow and I'm so nervous.

Ok, it's teatime.

Oh, and you should probably watch this, but at your own risk:

mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful

I've been on a cleaning spree. And I don't just mean in my room. I try to keep my room tidy, but it's hard since it's so tiny and one pile of stuff on the floor takes up half the floor space and makes it looks as though a hurricane has passed through it, but I have been much better about keeping it up. It's not like a lot of people go into my room so it's not really for appearance's sake, but I've noticed that the condition of my personal space is often a reflection of how I am handling my own affairs. I guess I mean that I've been doing more spring cleaning in my personal life - airing things out - and oh boy does it feel awesome. I feel lighter - just in time for spring. I'm less weighed down by stuff that I didn't realize were pressing on me before, and I find I've been appreciating the little things a lot more.

I love spring, ee cummings, and William Blake; when ee cummings writes a poem about springtime, alluding to a collection of poems by Blake, it seems natural that I would be a fan right?


in Just-
spring    when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame balloonman
whistles    far    and wee

and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it's spring

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer
old balloonman whistles
far    and    wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing
from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it's spring
and the goat-footed
balloonMan    whistles
far
and
wee 

Right.

I follow PostSecret auf Deutsch (I already knew this, but man are Germans emo) as well as PostSecret. I wanted to post this on another, interesting, possibly-but-maybe-not-necessarily darker note...I think this secret is more prevalent among people than one may think (though maybe not quite so extreme):

I can see where he's coming from, but God-forbid this person gets his wish, I'm sure he will change his mind.


I just reread my entry and noticed that I begin so many sentences with personal pronouns. I notice these kinds of things being the convention nut that I am and would find it to be unacceptable in a paper, but it's my blog and I can "I" if I want to, bizznatches. Now that it's written, I recall saying something like this before in previous entries. Maybe that's an indication that I'm still a wee bit self-conscious about it? Hah. Who knows?


I miss the fruit trucks at Temple.


I'm homesick.


I love having pets (even if I'm just the aunt). D and I have been getting along lately, which is really nice...and it means I get to go see my fats more often. I miss Kiki and Ike so much. 


Yesterday I went to Chestnut Hill Coffee for the first time, and I enjoyed the best latte ever. Visually too:

It was perfect as-was. Perfect. There were no sugars, flavored syrups, extras of any kind...nothin'. Just steamed 2% milk, stellar espresso, and a dollop of the most artful foam I've ever seen:

I felt a little silly taking pics with my phone for the sole purpose of sharing the experience on my blog...but I'm glad because looking at them makes me remember it so vividly I can taste it and enjoy it all over again. It's nice to get a lot of satisfaction from small pleasures, right?


Today is Berly's birthday. I care about her so much that sometimes it surprises me. My completely unabashed affection, acceptance, and esteem are usually reserved for my family and very very very few people with whom I am close...I hope she feels truly celebrated today - not that she shouldn't every day - because she's one of the most special people I've ever met and deserves it. Also, I hope she enjoys the chocolate raspberry cupcakes. By the way, cupcakes are all the rage these days...I wonder when it became such a fad.


I could SO go for one of Porkchop's red velvet cupcakes, now that my mind is on cupcakes. Om nom nom.


I ate eggs for breakfast, and PG Tips are (is?) da bomb diggity. Especially in this mug.

Wednesday

These guys make me so happy:

How is it that animals always just know?

This morning I stepped out in short sleeves, khakis, and flats (no socks). It's overcast, the 50-degree air smells fresh with rain, things are growing, and even though I threw a sweater in my bag I knew I wasn't going to use it. The coolness with the faint promise of warmth was like a kiss on my arms and neck. I love it. I love it. I love it.

The birds must have gotten an early start this morning...their complex was quiet. It was so perfect out that despite the greyness, there's no way they could have slept in.

JUST IN:

Berly just sent me an article about "The Midnight Knitter" in nearby Cape May - a harbinger of whimsy, who after night falls, dresses trees and lampposts in homemade sweaters. The article brought a huge smile to my face and has already made my day...it's about time the news featured something like this, no matter how small, to lift the spirit.

My jasmine pearls are perfectly steeped and it's time to get to work. Adios.

Rushing

Sometimes I feel like I'm in such a hurry, but I'm not. Which is super cool. In fact, I shouldn't be rushing. So, I'm going to look around and not rush...or at least I'll try not to.

I read these Rules today and liked them:

Ten Rules for Being Human

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

I'm going to make a special effort to debunk #10.

There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

I never thought I'd say this, but sometimes I like not having windows in my room. The temperature is more consistent, there's more wall real estate, and...I have a skylight.

This morning, I woke up feeling like "spring." Despite being bone-tired, as it's impossible for me to get decent sleep on high doses of prednisone, dim light filtering through the blinds above my head helped get me up and moving, and on my way out the door I was met with the fresh smell that follows rain and...song! I think the shrubs in front of my house are sparrow condos because the birds seem to take permanent residence there, and there's always a ruckus: drama, joys, sorrows, arguments, ladies' twig clubs, avian shop quartets. You know, standard community goings-on. But this morning there was more singing than griping and chattering.

That's one thing I love about Philly - the east coast in general: spring just arrives one day and sticks around. Even when it snows in the spring, as soon as it melts enough, you can see the determined little green shoots poking up out of the white stuff, no doubt saying "o hai! iz heer. nawt leevin, srsly." And then when the trees start to flower?! Lawdy. I'm just so grateful that I don't suffer from allergies so I can enjoy it as much as I do!

Someone brought in fresh bagels this morning, and I snagged the last blueberry that was hiding in the bottom of the bag. Nom. Also, today is wrap day. Nom^2. Isn't math great?

I came across this first thing in the morning, and will carry several of these gems with me throughout the day:

"Choose happy"

"As far as I see it, the only boundaries you have are the ones you set for yourself."
...a wise Porkchop reminded me of that today.

This is how I feel:

At this moment, I feel empowered. I am humbled by how small I am in the grand scheme of things, but hell yes do I pack a big punch.

I just need a compass and a willing accomplice

...and a halo of patience, and a less sporadic pace and
I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.

It's been a long time since I posted (yes, I'm stating the obvious, not insulting your ability to look at timestamps), and I notice that I feel significantly heavier, and that's not just the prednisone talking. Blogging helps immensely, but I can't seem to find the time to post the way I want to - I am the same way with emails and phone calls - if I don't have to time to present a truly thoughtful response (which takes me forever to compose), I tend to not write/say anything until I find the time, and then I don't find the time, and blah blah blah. Then I come off as a flake, but my intentions are good, I promise.

Another blogger I know who has a hard time posting consistently suggested designating one day of the week; being a fan of routine, I think I might try that.

Turning 25 was the first year I felt "different." It might have something to do with the fact that the day before my birthday, I filled out some form in which I had to check off my age demographic...putting myself in the 25-34 category was startling. Not bad, just startling.

A lot has changed since I last posted. All relationships require a lot of effort. I used to think that once I was comfortable trusting someone, I had no problem being vulnerable to him/her, but I am finding that this isn't really the case anymore. Often, I catch myself being wary even with those closest to me, but maybe that's not such a bad thing. On the flipside, I've been more open with my family lately, which has been really great and beneficial. I'm a lot closer with my mom, for instance, and I've been drawing lots of strength and wisdom from my sister. My last fortune cookie slip was one of the more inspiring and applicable I've had, and read "Share your joys and sorrows with your family." I'd been sharing my joys, but not my sorrows; after the repercussions from my last relationship hit, I found that things would have been a lot easier if I hadn't isolated myself so much. I don't know whether I did that to shield them, or because I was in denial. Now, I'm an open book and I've felt a lot more balanced knowing that I have an unwavering social support system; at least with my family, I know that they just want me to be happy without agenda and will help me achieve that. I'm lucky to have a family like mine.

I have crap I want to post, like cool pics and stuff. I'll do it later. Lunch is here.

Yes, please.

Seriously...please?