Times are Hard for Dreamers

I finally did it.  I cut myself off and unsubscribed from Robin McKinley's blog.

Here's some background: around the middle- to end- of August, I started reading Robin McKinley's blog because she's always been in close contention for the coveted position of "my favorite author," and found her posts to be whimsy and rambling...just my style.  Also, I was absorbing her words on the basis of raw principle; I love all of her work, so she simply hasn't written enough books in my not-so-humble opinion, and I'm always thirsting for more of her material.  Hence my sheer delight at the discovery of her almost-daily entries that gave me an insight into her life and inspirations.

H'aaaanyway.  For the couple of weeks leading up to my too-short trip home for Labor Day weekend, Robin had been lamenting the poor health of her "hellhounds" - which I think are greyhounds.  Anyway, I was telling my sister about how the hellhounds are lethargic, have diarrhea, are vomiting, not eating, and the whole mess of other issues that Robin was revealing in her entries, as well as the fact that her vet's advice didn't seem to be helping.  My Ada and I co-wrote a comment in response to a blog she had posted that same day which had been fully devoted to her sick dogs.  Basically, my brilliant veterinarian of a sister right away knew that the hellounds needed fluid therapy, which is the simple, obvious, and most effective solution to many pet afflictions, yet no vets seem to acknowledge this!  So, my sister wrote the bulk of our comment with gentle (though admittedly uninvited) suggestions as to what would alleviate her hellhounds' symptoms, and I cushioned Ada's advice with fluffy pleasantries and please-let-us-know-how-your-hounds-are-doings, and we posted our comment with much satisfaction.  The response was...not so nice.  Robin was very terse and basically suggested that we were accusing her of being a bad pet owner, and then informed us that she would worry about her own dogs thankyouverymuchandgoodbye.  I was partially annoyed at her defensiveness when she really should (IMNSHO) be concerned for the welfare of her dogs, but mostly just devastated that the one time I reached out to communicate with her with only the best intentions, she got pissed :(

Yikes.  Needless to say, it was the last thing I was expecting, and was crushed.  I was raised on her books...The Blue Sword being my favorite, followed closely by The Outlaws of Sherwood and The Hero and the Crown, and I always envisioned her to be like her heroines rather than some gripey American-turned-Brit, pet-neglecting, bell-ringing (that's one of her hobbies...playing the bells), homebody.  I mean, I will be the first person to stand up and say that personal blogging is for yourself and yourself only; if you want to bitch, you bitch; if you want to be opinionated, you get to voice your opinions; if you want to ramble about nothing for 29348 paragraphs, you get to do that too.  So...I guess my main complaint is not her blogging style, but rather the fact that all of this has been very disillusioning.  Which I realize is my problem - I don't mean any of this to attack her.  She has every right to "solve" her hounds' fecal issues by doing nothing other than putting newspapers under their butts, to gripe about how she doesn't feel like going to bell-ringing practice, and to be cranky in general if she wants to be...it's just that I spent my entire literate life believing her to be like Harimad-Sol, or Lady Aerin, or Marian; strong, independent, vigilant, compassionate women who are heroic miracle-miracle makers and are directly involved in taking grim situations and revolutionizing them.  

Sigh.  Reviewing what I've written makes me realize that...maybe she is like her heroines in a sense.  I mean, she produced a very diverse and beautiful collection of works that profoundly impacted me (and many others) in many ways; her writing still affects me to this very day.  Which is nothing short of amazing and couldn't have been accomplished without vast amounts of talent and a vivid imagination.  Argh.  Inner conflict.  I know this probably sounds lame unless you've experienced something similar, but I guess I'm just disappointed that the Robin McKinley I've envisioned and idolized for almost 15 years is not the Robin McKinley who lives contentedly across the pond among her roses, and fully exercises her right to grump.  Which is fine and no one else's business.  But...is it naive that it didn't even occur to me that she wouldn't be a sword-wielding, arrow-shooting, ancient-tongue-speaking lady-warrior with a sixth sense?  Wait...don't answer that.  

I find that a lot of my dreams are not like reality (case in point: my medical school debacle), which is not surprising and true for many people, but...somehow I almost always feel sad when things don't turn out to be magical like I expect them to me.  I should know better!  Wow...this entry ended up being more philosophical/generally applied than intended.  Such is the nature of (my) blogging, I suppose.  Ada suggested I let Robin's remark roll off and take it easy on her, especially since we stuck her with apparently and understandably unwelcome advice...so I'm going to try that.  I just think the best way for me to get over Robin's reaction to our attempt at being helpful is just to allow her to rant and rave and gripe as is her right...but not expose myself to it.  Kind of like a breakup...it's easier to get over someone when you cut the cord.  I'll stick to her novels.  I just pray that my one personal encounter with her and my opinion of how she takes care of her animals (which is unfair of me as I have very very limited knowledge) doesn't forever color the way I see her work.

In my unexpected defense of Robin McKinley in the paragraph before last, I think I made myself feel better in realizing that she's a heroine in her own way.  After all, if "it takes one to know one," in order for her to have created such powerful, timeless characters, she'd have to have at least a bit of each them in her, right?  To have even one iota of the awesomeness from each of her kick-ass characters would add up to make her a pretty phenomenal woman.  Maybe her blog just shows the disgruntled side of her because it's the only forum in which she can vent.  Hm.  Ok, I really do feel significantly more healed.

Still, this situation reminds me one of my favorite quotes from Amelie, which probably can be applied to most things: "Times are hard for dreamers."