Letting Go

After a couple cathartic conversations last night (Dad and Raro), I'm in a much better place and feel infinitely more centered. Writing that blog entry helped too...regardless of what Morgan got into and the decisions he made, I prefer to remember him at his best; as the person I know he was at his core. Some prefer to be angry with him, and remember him the way he acted when he was abusing substances. There are also people who can't help but feel that way. This is entirely their prerogative and I respect that, but I think it takes more energy to be mad and negative than it does to be positive and at peace. Oh well...each to his own. Each person deals with grief and anger in his own way and knows what's best for his own personality.

I knew that most of the reason I was so frantic was due to the impending memorial, and the fact that I would miss it. Also the fact that out here 1800 miles from home, I couldn't properly talk to others who knew him and try to work through my mixed feelings...I usually understand myself pretty well, and not being able to wrap my head around the situation and identify some sort of logic and understanding was very disturbing and affected me profoundly. That was causing me to flounder a little bit. Thankfully, I think my feelings are pretty well sorted out now and I can move on. Last night my dad suggested that today at 1:00 PM (the memorial will take place in Colorado Springs at 11:00 AM) I just take a short walk and think good thoughts, then let go and continue on the happy path along which I'm leading myself. I won't forget Morgan of course, but I have to observe the fact that he made a choice and took action. I don't agree with the way he left things, but it is what it is. Talking to my dad was very therapeutic as well as educational. I don't know why I didn't call him earlier...the week certainly would have been easier. It's no secret that the man is a fountain of wisdom. Everyone in my family is brilliant and has varied experience and insight; maybe it's just that he has dealt with things like this before. Plus, he's just "Dad."

Back to work. Peace out...for real!